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The Jaguar and the Jag

The Jaguar and the Jag

 

As you know, I spend most of these columns pointing out random acts of stupidity. I don’t know, maybe I believe if we become more aware, it will lead to a more intelligent society. Yeah, no chance in hell of that happening but, I can dream.

A few days ago at an Arizona zoo, a woman was mauled by a jaguar…Do we still call them jaguars? Because the cars are now called Jag-U-A…I guess some people will still point at them and say,

“Check out the Jag.”

Although they may be talking about the person behind the wheel.

Anyway, this woman, who will only say her name is Leanne…you know, because nobody will be able to figure out the last name from her pictures all over social media…what she did was cross over the zoo barrier to take a selfie with the jaguar.

Apparently, when she went to snap the photo, the animal reached out and scratched her. My first reaction when I heard this was,

“And rightly so.”

So all these years we’ve been thinking the fences were to keep the animals in, when in fact they were actually to keep the idiots out.

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This Blows!

This Blows!

 

Seems like it was just a few weeks ago that temperatures were in the 80’s. Probably because it was just a few weeks ago that temperatures were in the 80’s. Looks like we’re skipping fall this year and heading straight into winter. It went from the 80’s to the 40’s and keeps dropping. Went right past the 60’s and 50’s.

We should be allowed to ease into it. Like getting in a hot bath. Don’t just end summer and smack us right in the face with winter.

On Thursday the weather is calling for rain, sleet, snow and dark of night…even the mailman is saying,

“Why did I take that stupid oath? Nobody should have to go out in this!”

It didn’t take the first day of cold weather this year before people were telling me,

“They’re calling for a really bad winter with a lot of snow.”

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Too Soon!

Too Soon!

 

Stopped into the local Market District on Monday and was confronted by a huge Frankenstein sign, pitching Halloween Candy. In case you don’t remember, Monday was August 13. There were still 18 days left in August, another 30 in September and then 30 more in October before Halloween.

The sign said that it was time to stock up on Halloween Candy because it’s right around the corner. When did almost three months become right around the corner? Why are they pressuring me to buy candy that I normally get the day before Halloween?

I think they know, if I buy the candy now, it’s not going to make it to Halloween. One of these hot summer nights…yes, it’s still summer…Anyway, one of these nights I’m going to have a craving for a mini-Snickers or small bag of M&M’s, maybe a Twix…Definitely not a Three Musketeers. I give that crap to the kids.

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Bet On It

Bet on It

 

On Thursday afternoon I drove over to the North Side…sorry, it’s now the “North Shore.” I can’t get used to it. You just don’t think of a river having a shore. Plus, if we’re having the “North Shore,” why isn’t Southside the “South Shore?” Maybe changing the name would cut down on public urination on weekends.

I was going down to the new “Burn” cigar lounge on North Shore Drive…again, can’t get used to it. When I arrived, there was a parking spot right in front. I was expecting to drive around for twenty minutes looking for a space and there it was right in front of where I me.

I couldn’t believe my luck, which immediately disappeared when I went to pay at the parking station. It was 3:30 and I was informed my car would be towed if it was there after 4. The reason was a special event was happening that night.

Do you know what the special event was? The Pirates game starting at 7. In case you don’t remember, the score was 8 to nothing Arizona in the third inning. What kind of special event is that? That’s like I come to your birthday party and spit in your face.

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