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Sorry For the Inconvience

 

Sorry For the Inconvenience

 

All I was trying to do was go over to visit my mother. I saw the sign “Road Work Ahead.” Then another sign, “One Lane Road Ahead.” Why don’t they just put one sign?

“You’re Screwed.”

The cars ahead of me were being waved through so I sped up. The girl with the sign must have noticed me trying to make it because she hurriedly turned the sign from slow to stop…Remember, “You’re Screwed.”

I could see by the look on her face that she wasn’t too thrilled that I was there either. You know, if no traffic was coming in either direction, she could just smoke her cigarette in peace, without having to hold that stupid sign. I guess I should feel bad for making her do her job.

The entrance to my mother’s plan was only about 200 feet ahead. I could have walked ten times as I sat waiting for the sign to turn back to “Slow.”

It felt like fifteen minutes and two cigarettes later when I finally was able to move the few yards up the hill and enter the plan. [Read more…]

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Caption Contest

I’ll be home for Christmas…Maybe!

I’ll be a little late for work today…Who the hell am I kidding…I quit!

I think I’ll just pull over and cry for awhile.

 

OK, I gave you a few, now I’m taking the rest of the weekend off. It’s up to you.

Come up with a caption for this photo.

Whoever submits the best line will receive a free “Yes, I’m Aggravated” T-shirt.

Employees of Penn-Dot are not eligible. You should be working to fix this nightmare.

Winner to be announced Tuesday.

 

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It’s Real Baby!

It’s Real Baby!

 

As I pulled in, the parking lot was almost empty. That’s a good sign. I should be out of here in no time. It had been four years since I’d been here, but this is where it should be. This is where it’s been for as long as I remember. There was no signage on the building and the emptiness of the lot started to make me wonder.

It seemed like a ghost town as I walked towards the entrance. I couldn’t see anybody inside. The sign on the door told me all I needed to know. The DMV had relocated to another building on the other side of the parking lot.

There was no place to park, which isn’t a good sign. The crowd outside was either smoking or on their phones. Nobody looked happy. I walked through the doors and entered hell.

You used to grab a ticket, take a seat and wait for your number to be called. It was usually at least an hour wait, but you knew that going in.

“At least it’s only every four years.”

Today I walked in and got in line where a security guard was handing out the magic tickets. She asked me why I was there and I said,
“To get my real ID.”

That’s the new thing we’re required to get now, Real ID. I guess as opposed to that counterfeit Driver’s License I’ve been passing off all of these years. We won’t be required to get the real ID until October of 2020. I could just get a normal Driver’s License for a year but,

“WHY WOULD I WANT TO SUBJECT MYSELF TO THIS AGAIN NEXT YEAR?” [Read more…]

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Which Way Do I Go?

Which Way Do I Go?

 

Just got home from a show in Elmira, New York. Out of planes, trains and automobiles, going by car was the fastest and most convenient. So, as I set out on my journey, I looked at my GPS app for the fastest way at the time.

There were three different options, each adding a supposed ten minutes to the trip. I never go by the original estimated time. That’s only a challenge to defeat. You have to look at the best way to avoid weather, trucks, tolls, police, construction and idiots. If you drive as much as I do, you know where any of these give you the most concern. Especially idiots.

If John’s original estimated time is five hours and he plans to go at least ten miles over the speed limit the whole way, when will John arrive?

I would’ve done much better in school with these types of personal word problems.

[Read more…]