A Nutting Interview

A Nutting Interview


With baseball season about to begin, I sat down with Pirates owner Bob “Ka-Ching” Nutting for an interview on the state of the 2022 team.


WAM)  So, what can be expect from the Pirates this year?

  1. BN) It’s a beautiful stadium. It has spectacular views of the city and river. Such a great night out for families or anybody really.

WAM) But, what about the team.

  1. BN) We’ll be giving away Hawaiian shirts, there will be plenty of fireworks nights. Pup night. You can bring your dog to the game. What dog wouldn’t want to spend a summer night at the most beautiful stadium in baseball?

WAM) What about the team? The people in this city are tired of all the losing. Do you realize, former Pirate Garrett Cole is among a handful of players who make more than your entire roster?

  1. BN) Am I a genius or what for getting rid of that guy? Do you know how much that would cost?

WAM) I realize it’s tough to compete with big market teams like the Yankees or Dodgers…

  1. BN) Can you imagine if I could get my hands on one of those teams? If I could take the Yankees or Dodgers and trim their payroll down to 35 million…Whoa Mama! Bobby needs a new boat baby!

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Is This a Scam?

Is This a Scam?


I’m back from my break…Yeah, I know…you didn’t even notice I was gone. Sometimes you people really aggravate me…OK, actually all the time…but still, I have feelings that can be hurt.

Anyway, I was doing shows down in the Outer Banks of North Carolina and used it as sort of a working vacation. I figured I would just spend the days relaxing at the beach and not allow anything to ruin the tranquility.

Of course, no chance of that actually happening. It started as soon as I got there. My phone kept getting robo-calls leaving voice mails. I tried blocking the number but they just called back using an alternative number.

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We’re Not Here

We’re not Here


It had never come up like this before.

“Hey, do we know the Scams?”


“The Scams. One of them has the first name Illegal.”

That was what the caller ID was actually showing, “Illegal Scam.” Usually it says “Unknown Caller” or “Wireless Caller” or just lists the city where the call is supposedly coming from. Not this time. It was actually telling me who was on the other line. An illegal scammer.

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But, That’s Way Off!

But, That’s Way Off.


I’ll keep this brief today. You’re probably out enjoying the warm weather before the next snow. I wish I was joking about that, but there is a chance of accumulating snow in the days ahead. You would think that once it hit eighty and the grass was growing…I guess not this year with the winter that won’t end.

Anyway, here’s what happened. I went to pick up a pizza at a local place. I was greeted by a twenty-something behind the counter and gave him my name. He handed me the pizza and said

“That will be $18.17.”

I remembered I had a quarter in my pocket, so to avoid getting a pocket full of change I handed him a twenty dollar bill and the quarter. That means I should get two dollars and eight cents back.

I saw him grab a single out of the change drawer and then he started fishing for more change than he should have. I saw other singles in the drawer and was hoping he wasn’t going to hand me back a dollar in change anyway. The look of confusion on his face should have warned me.

He handed me a dollar and sixty-three cents. He could tell from the way I was looking at it that something was wrong.

“Is that not right.”

“Not even close.”

“Sorry, I’m not very good at math.”

“But, this is really wrong.”

“I told you, I’m not good at math.”

“But, how did you even come up with this amount?”

“I don’t know.”

“I handed you $20.25 the total was $18.17.”

I handed him the change back and he started to try to figure it out with a paper and pen.

“Doesn’t the cash register tell you the change?”

“Not this one.”

“You don’t have a calculator on your phone?”

“Yeah, but I don’t know how it works.”

“Who decided that you should be the one that handles money?”

“The owner.”

Then I realized what was happening. The owner was hoping to increase his profits by having this guy short change the customers. Of course, you’re taking the chance that you’re the one that gets screwed. Then I thought, maybe it was all just a disguise. Maybe this guy was really a genius posing as an idiot. Customers might feel sorry for him and let the short change go.

I came up with an idea. I hadn’t done my taxes yet, so I decided to hire this guy as my accountant… Somehow, I getting back four times what I paid in. Yeah, I’m taking a chance on getting caught. I’m just hoping maybe he has a relative that works for the IRS.