Nothing Original

Nothing Original


You may have already seen this photo, if so I apologize… Or maybe not. It seemed appropriate after our recent bout of heavy rain and flooding. To be followed by another round of heavy rain and flooding this coming weekend. Not to mention the times of heavy rains and flooding throughout much of the year. It seems like we’re having nothing but sequels.

When you think about it, why should the weather be different than everything else? Television is filled with remakes and reboots. “Murphy Brown” is coming back. Hawaii Five-O came back. “Magnum P.I”. is back, but not with the real Magnum. I haven’t seen it, so I’m guessing he’s supposed to be Magnum’s son.

Maybe not. I don’t know. If that were the case it probably would have been called “Magnum Jr.”, “Little Magnum” or “Son of a P…I”

“Rosanne” is coming back again…except without Rosanne. She’s still out because of her late night racist tweets. So now she’s dead…not for real, just TV dead. So the show will be called “The Connors”, because calling the show “Rosanne” without an actual Rosanne would confuse people…I wish I meant that as a joke but, you know.

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Too Many Channels

Ok, it’s time to get rid of cable. We have reached the point of way too many channels. I usually don’t turn on television during the afternoon when I’m home. Today, I realized why that was a good idea. Afternoon TV is the land where Jerry Springer, Maury Povich and Dr. Phil live. A world that I don’t want to be any part of.

As if those shows aren’t bad enough, look at some of the other choices. In the upper right, you can see a prostate show is coming on at 2 O’Clock. I’m guessing nobody is calling this “Must See TV,” especially the ladies out there. That’s not the one that caught my eye. I imagine “Do You Poop Enough?” caught your attention.

My first thought was,

“It’s none of your damn business.”

Then I was trying to figure out what kind of show it could be. Is it a game show? If it is, how do you play and who the hell would want the prizes? How many rounds are there? How do contestants get…”eliminated?” If you win, do you really feel like a winner, or just empty inside?

Then I read what was underneath and saw that it was an infomercial for a product that acts like scrubbing bubbles for your intestines.

I really don’t need scrubbing bubbles in my intestines. The thought alone is giving me gas. Who would host the show? I see Larry King is on another channel at the same time, but that doesn’t mean he can’t be here too. Maybe he’s moonlighting from hocking fish oil pills. He could be on with whoever invented “scrubbing bubbles” for your colon.

“Larry, do you feel that you poop enough?”

” I poop plenty.”

“When was the last time you had a good bowel movement?”

“Believe it or not, I’m having one right now as we speak.”

So, there you have afternoon television. “Do you poop enough?” at one. “Do you pee too much?” at two. This is how Jerry Springer stays on the air. As bad as that show is, everything else is nothing but crap…sorry, I couldn’t resist.