Too Many Channels

Ok, it’s time to get rid of cable. We have reached the point of way too many channels. I usually don’t turn on television during the afternoon when I’m home. Today, I realized why that was a good idea. Afternoon TV is the land where Jerry Springer, Maury Povich and Dr. Phil live. A world that I don’t want to be any part of.

As if those shows aren’t bad enough, look at some of the other choices. In the upper right, you can see a prostate show is coming on at 2 O’Clock. I’m guessing nobody is calling this “Must See TV,” especially the ladies out there. That’s not the one that caught my eye. I imagine “Do You Poop Enough?” caught your attention.

My first thought was,

“It’s none of your damn business.”

Then I was trying to figure out what kind of show it could be. Is it a game show? If it is, how do you play and who the hell would want the prizes? How many rounds are there? How do contestants get…”eliminated?” If you win, do you really feel like a winner, or just empty inside?

Then I read what was underneath and saw that it was an infomercial for a product that acts like scrubbing bubbles for your intestines.

I really don’t need scrubbing bubbles in my intestines. The thought alone is giving me gas. Who would host the show? I see Larry King is on another channel at the same time, but that doesn’t mean he can’t be here too. Maybe he’s moonlighting from hocking fish oil pills. He could be on with whoever invented “scrubbing bubbles” for your colon.

“Larry, do you feel that you poop enough?”

” I poop plenty.”

“When was the last time you had a good bowel movement?”

“Believe it or not, I’m having one right now as we speak.”

So, there you have afternoon television. “Do you poop enough?” at one. “Do you pee too much?” at two. This is how Jerry Springer stays on the air. As bad as that show is, everything else is nothing but crap…sorry, I couldn’t resist.