The Unfriendly Skies

The Unfriendly Skies


Over the past few years, one of the few bright spots has been that I haven’t had to fly much. I don’t think I had a single flight in 2020 and only a few this year. With a few coming up, I’m not looking forward to it.

Apparently, aside from mass cancellations, you also have to worry about the fact that the criminally insane are now taking to the skies.

There have been over 4800 cases of unruly fliers over the past year, which is more than all the other cases combined in the history of air travel.

It’s mostly because of the mask rules that the simple minded among us don’t think they should have to follow.

Every time one of these idiots causes a problem, you end up with a viral video. Is that really the way you want to become famous? With millions of people looking at you and saying,

“Look at that moron.”

So, you wake up stupid and head to the airport. Once your there, you ask yourself,

“How can I enhance my total lack of common sense?”

That’s when you decided a few drinks will help. While you’re sitting there getting liquored up, maybe they don’t have on the right news channel. You know, the one that tells you all the lies you believe. So, now you start to get angry.

You arrive at the gate for your flight drunk, stupid and pissed.

“Excuse me sir, you have to wear a mask to board the flight.”

“Themz ain’t takin away minez freedoms!”

Yeah, you probably should have just left it at that. Screw that airline for not changing their rules for you. But nooo…you had to start throwing punches at anyone around you. That’s when they called the authorities and…

“Hey Jethro, how free do you feel in that cell?”

Those are the ones on the ground. The real geniuses are the ones that cause a riot at thirty thousand feet. Stuck in a tube of containment, you really haven’t thought out your escape route.

“Sir, you’ll have to put your mask back on.”

“Themz ain’t takin away minez freedoms!”

Then you go into attack mode and have to be restrained and…

“Hey Gomer, how free do you feel being taped to your seat?”

When you’re taped to the seat, what thoughts are going through your head? Are you thinking about the drink cart or making your connecting flight? Do you realize how screwed you are? Or are you just thinking about those millions of views?

“Look at that moron.”

Maybe the airports can be like Planet Fitness with their “Judgement Free Zone.”

Put up a sign that says “Idiot Free Zone.”

Nah, it’ll never work. I doubt most of them can read.

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