It’s Real Baby!

It’s Real Baby!


As I pulled in, the parking lot was almost empty. That’s a good sign. I should be out of here in no time. It had been four years since I’d been here, but this is where it should be. This is where it’s been for as long as I remember. There was no signage on the building and the emptiness of the lot started to make me wonder.

It seemed like a ghost town as I walked towards the entrance. I couldn’t see anybody inside. The sign on the door told me all I needed to know. The DMV had relocated to another building on the other side of the parking lot.

There was no place to park, which isn’t a good sign. The crowd outside was either smoking or on their phones. Nobody looked happy. I walked through the doors and entered hell.

You used to grab a ticket, take a seat and wait for your number to be called. It was usually at least an hour wait, but you knew that going in.

“At least it’s only every four years.”

Today I walked in and got in line where a security guard was handing out the magic tickets. She asked me why I was there and I said,
“To get my real ID.”

That’s the new thing we’re required to get now, Real ID. I guess as opposed to that counterfeit Driver’s License I’ve been passing off all of these years. We won’t be required to get the real ID until October of 2020. I could just get a normal Driver’s License for a year but,


The security guard handed me a ticket and instructed me to get into another line. My number was 304 and said there were 80 people in front of me. That’s right 80…Hopefully, I’ll get out of here sometime before October of 2020.

As I walked toward the end of the line, a little old man shuffled toward the security guard. She looked at him and asked,

“Are you still here?”

He was probably young and vital with a bounce in his step when he came in. Look at how this place has beaten him down. I wonder what I’ll look like if I ever get out of here.

The line doesn’t move at all. There’s an elderly couple at the front. From what I can tell, the woman is here for her ID and her husband just came in to be aggravated. The numbers being called are only in the high 220’s, so it will be awhile to 304. Still, I can’t help wonder what is taking so long.

I checked what I needed to bring with me to get the real ID. Current driver’s license, social security card or W2. Also either a passport or government issued Birth Certificate. You would think it’s simple enough…Yeah, you would think.

“Ma’am, I’m sorry. A picture of your birthday cake can’t be considered a Government issued document.”

The husband was getting more agitated as his wife pleaded her case. So, not only were they morons, they thought they were right. Those are the worst kind.

Finally they accepted the fact she wouldn’t be getting her ID today. I could tell by the way they left, somebody would be hearing about this. At least it wasn’t me anymore.

Of the other nine or ten people in front of me, at least half of them had to leave because they didn’t have the “Right Stuff.”

When it was my turn, I handed him what I was supposed to bring with me and he handed me a paper to take with me to get my Real ID. I think I was there for about twenty seconds. That’s how long it takes when you follow instructions.

Along with the paper, he handed me a new ticket, number 257. I had moved up almost fifty spots. They were now calling 245. My wait time had been cut in half.

Finally, I benefit from the actions of idiots. There’s a first time for everything.

Speak Your Mind