The Jaguar and the Jag

The Jaguar and the Jag


As you know, I spend most of these columns pointing out random acts of stupidity. I don’t know, maybe I believe if we become more aware, it will lead to a more intelligent society. Yeah, no chance in hell of that happening but, I can dream.

A few days ago at an Arizona zoo, a woman was mauled by a jaguar…Do we still call them jaguars? Because the cars are now called Jag-U-A…I guess some people will still point at them and say,

“Check out the Jag.”

Although they may be talking about the person behind the wheel.

Anyway, this woman, who will only say her name is Leanne…you know, because nobody will be able to figure out the last name from her pictures all over social media…what she did was cross over the zoo barrier to take a selfie with the jaguar.

Apparently, when she went to snap the photo, the animal reached out and scratched her. My first reaction when I heard this was,

“And rightly so.”

So all these years we’ve been thinking the fences were to keep the animals in, when in fact they were actually to keep the idiots out.

It’s not like the woman was approaching a cranky celebrity to ask for a selfie. Then, you only have to worry about being shunned or spit on. No, this was a wild animal that’s probably not thrilled about being in a cage. What could go wrong?

Well, Leanne found out…I wish there was a way to figure out who she really is…

What do I know, I only drive a Sube-A-Roo. Wait, that sounds the same. Guess I’m not a pretentious ass. Maybe I should switch to a Shay-Vroe-Lay…

So now Leanne is saying the zoo should move the barrier to keep people from doing what she did. You would think a fence and common sense would be enough, but you would be wrong.

It might be easier to just put up a sign,

“Hey Moron.”

You have to put that to get their attention. They know who they are.

“Hey Moron! If you cross over the fence, the zoo is not responsible for whatever happens to you. In fact, at that point I will be rooting for the jaguar.”

Do you think this will stop them? Of course not. The rules don’t apply to these people.

At least the zoo isn’t holding the jaguar responsible and announced it won’t be euthanized. Ok, but what about Leanne?

Was this option ever even on the table? I mean, if you want to prevent incidents like this from happening again…I’m just saying.

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