Wedding From Hell

Since we’re getting close to Halloween I figured I would base these articles on things that are frightening, scary and horrifying…yeah, I guess they’re all pretty much the same thing. But, could I get you to shell out twenty-five bucks admission to my haunted house or mansion if it was only one of those?

We were invited to a wedding…I won’t tell you if they were friends, family, what side of the family…because I will probably see these people again.

The Catholic Mass started at 4 o’clock. Yes, I know the words Catholic and Mass are scary together. Did you not see what I’m doing here?

You kind of have to attend the mass. You can’t just show up for the fun part and not expect people to bad mouth you. That’s where they get you.

Anyway, if you’ve ever sat through a Catholic Mass, you know they are usually long and boring. This one did not disappoint. Not only did we have to deal with the usual rituals…You know, the standing, kneeling, occasional sitting, listening to people with horrible voices sing, shaking hands with strangers…applying Purel…

What made this different, was this Priest thought he was entertaining. I’ve been in the presence of an occasional Priest with a sense of humor. They are few and far between…This guy was really far between.

On the few occasions as an adult when I am forced to attend Mass, I always appreciate it when they can keep it under an hour. Fifty minutes, say goodnight and leave them wanting more.

This guy stretched the Mass out to one hour twenty minutes…and it wasn’t a good hour and twenty. He started telling this story about a woman he knows or used to know…I can’t tell you, I blanked out right away.

I blame the few people who chuckled at something he said early on. I don’t know if they were pity laughs or if they thought this guy actually works for God and were kissing up. They couldn’t have thought he was funny.

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