Not Funny and Time Slips Away

Not Funny and Time Slips Away


If you’re not aware, I’m older than I was when last we spoke. Maybe you’re one of the friends who sent me birthday wishes. I can’t believe how many friends I have and I appreciate them remembering me…I also can’t believe how many friends I don’t know who the hell they are or remember how I know them.

Birthdays are not a big deal for me, especially as I get older. When you’re a kid you look forward to them. You even add the half year to your age. Remember being ten and a half? Yeah, nobody’s ever been fifty-five and a half.

I’m at the point now that I stay the same age until that stupid clock strikes midnight on August 4 and my wife tells me happy birthday…Don’t remind me.

Normally I would have a show on or right around my birthday. It takes my mind off getting older and I really enjoy performing…Used to anyway. It’s been a long time.

I did a few minutes hosting the graduation show for my latest class…the one I’m calling the Covid-class.

Still, it was in front of only a handful of people and it’s their show, not mine.

It wasn’t until then I realized I hadn’t performed in almost five months. I had to look over notes for the first time in years. When we first shut down in March, I thought we’d be able to do shows again by May, possibly June, definitely by July.

Yet, here we are, five months later and no end in sight. Yeah, I know there are places that are open and acting like this virus doesn’t exist…But, I prefer intelligent audiences.

Also, five months seemed to go by quickly even though we are living through “Groundhog Day.” Maybe it’s because I’ve been sleeping more. That’s because I get to do things in my dreams I can’t do when I’m awake. You know, like go out without a mask, socialize with people, and be in a crowded room.

In my dreams it’s like there is no virus…Or, I’m a hick living in Florida.

Maybe it just seems like it went fast because I realize we are in the middle of August. We have less summer left than we did a few months ago and the thought of winter with a pandemic doesn’t make me giddy.

During this time, I’ve been trying to just take each day as it comes and not allow myself to be aggravated…Ok, that last part is bullshit. How can I not be aggravated? Even if I don’t go to Walmart, I have my wife here with me 24/7 right now and she does a good job of it.

Oh, and I don’t know why I go to Walmart. I think I want to be pissed off. It never fails, every time I go in there amongst the lunkheads. As they push their carts toward me in the wrong direction,

“I guess you’re special and can go whatever way you want.”

They just stare blankly. They have no idea there are arrows for direction on the floor. The idiots look at me like I’m insane…Not yet, but soon!

Because of what we’re dealing with, you would think there would be no rush to push holidays this year. Yeah, but that would be sensible.

What I’m talking about is the Halloween candy coming out two weeks ago, 3 months before Halloween. Then there’s the fact of,

“Who the hell is sending their kids out Trick or Treating during a pandemic?”

It’s not like they forgot to re-program the computer and it popped up on its own. This was intentional. They put the candy there. Is this just wishful thinking?

Then it dawned on me. They’re really pushing things. This is for Halloween 2021.

Happy Easter.

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