No Tricks, No Treats

No Tricks, No Treats


Its Halloween night, so of course we’re watching Christmas specials. The Halloween shows were over by the end of July.

You couldn’t have picked a better night for Halloween. Eerie looking sky, a chill in the air, wind howling through the trees to make it scarier. The kind of trick or treating you always remember.

Not these kids…No, there was a chance of rain so they postponed trick or treat until Saturday afternoon…You know, it’s still light out, nothing’s going to pop out and scare you…Not only that but it’ll be November 2 and I’m supposed to pretend like it’s Halloween. I guess I can’t even light the Christmas tree. You want to make it feel like it’s the right time of year.

These kids are going to grow up to be the biggest bunch of wimps the world has ever seen. I know it’s not all of the parents who are over protective. It’s just the ones that are, have the biggest mouths and try to inflict their rules on everybody else.

In these PC times, what costumes are even acceptable? The easiest thing for us was to put on some old ragged clothes, make a beard and dirt out of burned cork, and go as a bum. The more creative kids put a bottle of soda in a paper bag and went as a “Drunken Bum.”

Would the parents of today send their children out as a homeless person? Better yet, a homeless person with an alcohol abuse problem. It’s a shame the way they coddle these children.

Oh, and the worst parents of all are the ones worried about having an allergy free trick or treat.

There’s actually signs in yards around my neighborhood that say,

“Happy Allergy Free Halloween.”

Somebody posted on our neighborhood Facebook page,
“How can we make this an allergy free Halloween for all the kids?”

Hey, you’re kid’s allergic to the free stuff I’m handing out…don’t bring them to our house. Why don’t I give out something that all the kids want instead of making them get crap because your kid has to have something gluten free.

When I was a kid, I don’t think we even had gluten. Nobody ever brought it up and you sure as hell never heard of anybody being allergic to it.

Stop over protecting your children. They don’t need it. Look at this little girl threatening to set her face on fire if she doesn’t get her M&M’s.

Chances are, someone in the world is allergic to something you would never think of. So what are you supposed to do? Unless a kid shows up in a bubble, they’re getting a Snickers or a Twix. Come to think of it, a bubble boy would be a great costume. Of course some asshole would find offense in it.

“That’s awful…You shouldn’t make fun of people with immune deficiency disease.”

“Yeah…and how many bubble boys have you ever met?”

I looked up what kind of treats are actually allergy free. I was thinking they would be handing out little bags of baby carrots. If you gave us carrots for Halloween when I was a kid, we would have egged the inside of your house.

One of the suggestions for allergy free Halloween treats are raisins or dried fruits. Oh, you’re just trying to be the most popular house in the neighborhood. I liked raisins as a kid…if they were covered in chocolate!

I couldn’t imagine somebody handing me a supposed treat and saying,

“How about some nice craisins?”

“Thank you Mrs. Connors. What time would you like me to come back and overturn the trash cans on your lawn?”

Our favorite house when I was a kid was a lady who passed out candy apples. Turns out her husband was a dentist.

Where would he have been if she gave us a bag of celery? He’d have gone out of business and we’d have grown up to be a bunch of wimps.

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