Make It Stop!
Make It Stop!
“Riiing…”
It just won’t stop.
“Riiing…”
That is probably the 200th time today.
“Riiing…”
There it is again…It just won’t stop.
No, not the rain…I’m not going to complain about the rain. You’re probably sick of hearing people moan about it already, so I won’t go there…OK, so I already did.
No, what’s happening is we had an outage with our Verizon service last night. Cable and WIFI were out and so was our land line phone.
Yes, we still have a land line…No, it’s not a rotary. Stop being a smart ass. [Read more…]
The Invasion of Pittsburgh
The Invasion of Pittsburgh
Pittsburgh, we have a problem. Not a problem you would expect to happen here, but as it turns out, we’re being overrun by alligators.
A few years back there were reported sightings of an alligator in the Monongahela River. Everyone just laughed it off like some kind of Big Foot or Loch Ness Monster sighting…It’s not so funny now is it?
In the past week there have been three alligators captured in the area. I’ll say that again, three alligators in one week! If you do the math over a 52 week year, we’re looking at 156 gators and probably more. Why is nobody acting alarmed over this?
First of all, alligators are not indigenous to this region. That means they are coming here by some other means. Maybe they’re reading those travel brochures that tell you how much there is to do in Pittsburgh during summer.
It’s one thing to get the Furries in July. Those are just weird people who like to wear fur costumes during the hottest days of the year. They don’t hurt anybody…not on purpose anyway. I mean, I wouldn’t want to be the maid cleaning their hotel room litter boxes.
Kennywood Ketchup Kontroversy
Kennywood Ketchup Kontroversy
If you’re from Pittsburgh, there are certain traditions we all share. A good number of us have attended the Arts Festival, only to be caught in a major thunderstorm. We’ve all been stuck in tunnel traffic because idiots slow down to 35mph when they drive through tunnels and it’s taken us 45 minutes to go a mile through construction, only to see a Penn Dot worker smoking a cigarette and picking their ass.
The main things are if you live in this city, you’ve been to Kennywood and are a Steelers fan. Being a Steelers fan is part of the heritage. You can’t root for any other team if you are born and raised here. I guess you could, if you want to be a jagoff (Another part of our culture, the word jagoff.)
Yeah, you can be a fan for another team, but it’s dangerous. If you grow up here and root for Brady and the Patriots, we’ll chase you out of town with rocks and cans of Boston Baked Beans.
So anyway, Kennywood and the Steelers. This year they are coming together in a glorious union. The park is opening a new roller coaster, “The Steel Curtain,” which will be part of “Steelers Country.”
I don’t know what other rides will be part of “Steelers Country.” From my understanding, they had a ride called the “Leveon Bell.” Unfortunately, the ride never showed up, so they sent it to New York.
Yeah…yeah…yeah I know. Shut up!
In Memory of the Fish Bar
In Memory of the Fish Bar
We called it the “Fish Bar.” It was tucked into the back of the Tropicana Hotel in Las Vegas. I don’t know who came up with the name “Fish Bar.” We called it that because of the fake aquarium with ceramic fish that was hanging on the wall behind the bar.
The bartenders used to tell us about the customers who would ask if it was a real aquarium. The fish never moving should give it away.
“It’s amazing how still they are.”
“Yeah, no more for you…You’ve had enough to drink.”
This was our meeting place after our shows.
“I’m going to get changed and I’ll meet you at the Fish Bar.”
