The Invasion of Pittsburgh

The Invasion of Pittsburgh


Pittsburgh, we have a problem. Not a problem you would expect to happen here, but as it turns out, we’re being overrun by alligators.

A few years back there were reported sightings of an alligator in the Monongahela River. Everyone just laughed it off like some kind of Big Foot or Loch Ness Monster sighting…It’s not so funny now is it?

In the past week there have been three alligators captured in the area. I’ll say that again, three alligators in one week! If you do the math over a 52 week year, we’re looking at 156 gators and probably more. Why is nobody acting alarmed over this?

First of all, alligators are not indigenous to this region. That means they are coming here by some other means. Maybe they’re reading those travel brochures that tell you how much there is to do in Pittsburgh during summer.

It’s one thing to get the Furries in July. Those are just weird people who like to wear fur costumes during the hottest days of the year. They don’t hurt anybody…not on purpose anyway. I mean, I wouldn’t want to be the maid cleaning their hotel room litter boxes.

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