No Beer?
No Beer?
Recently…Ok, over the past few months…I noticed something weird happening to my body. My clothes that fit me a year ago were feeling tighter and I had this roll of flab hanging over my pants. I was concerned that I had possibly swallowed a seed and had a watermelon growing in my stomach. What other explanation could there be?
I made an appointment with my doctor. I was hoping we could avoid surgery and there was another way to remove the watermelon. As I was explaining the problem to my doctor, he told me to get on the scale.
Fifteen pounds heavier than I was a year ago. This is one big melon!
“Have you been eating more than usual?”
“No, I always try to watch my diet.”
“Do you drink beer?”
“Yeah, so…what’s wrong with that? I’ve read that having a beer or two a day is good for your health.”
“Do you only have one or two a day?”
“Ok, so maybe I’ve had enough to keep me healthy for the next five years.”
A Real Genius
A Real Genius
I don’t know how it started. I began getting a daily inspirational quote in my e-mails. Usually when something comes I didn’t sign up for, I immediately unsubscribe. That doesn’t stop the next male-enhancement drug adds from coming my way, but I try to stay off most mailing lists.
The thing with these inspirational quotes…they really can be inspiring. It’s usually something in the context of “If you get off your ass and do something, you have a better chance of succeeding than if you just sit around feeling sorry for yourself.”
They’re usually able to say it in fewer words…probably why the name “John Knight” has yet to show up in my daily inspirational quotes.
Some days the quotes are from somebody like Taylor Swift or Katy Perry. I never even bother to open those…I shouldn’t have to tell you why I never bother to open those.
Up until today my favorite quote came from one of my comedy heroes, Groucho Marx.
“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.”
That basically sums it up. I’ve been living by those words. Then today, I was inspired by one of the greatest minds of all time, Albert Einstein.
“Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not so sure about the former.”
Can’t Unsee it
Can’t Unsee It
Disney calls itself the most magical place on earth. I don’t know if that’s true, but it has to be something for children who haven’t grown cynical from their years on earth. It will happen to them eventually. I think I got there around the age of six, although I might be more advanced than most.
Imagine what it’s like to a child to go into a place where all of these fairy-tale characters come to life. I never got to a Disney Park until I was in my teens. I was already ruined by then and the only thing that thrilled me was that Goofy was wearing the same Converse shoes as me. I should tell you, Goofy was the one who pointed it out, which made it all the more special.
Now as an adult, I’m confronted by a different type of magical character. The people who shop at Walmart leap to mind.
Where do these people come from? I had rarely ventured into a Walmart until they built one in my neighborhood, and even now it’s on a limited basis. The one’s I had been to in the past were always on the road, in another state, out of necessity.
Why, when you go into a Walmart anywhere in the country, the people are the same? The thing is, you don’t see them anywhere else but here. I can go anywhere else in my neighborhood and see normal looking people. Yet, when I go to Walmart, it’s like a new breed.
Is there some Sub-Culture living underground that can only surface in Walmart’s? I keep looking for the secret tunnel, but they have it well hidden. I’ve seen them suddenly appear and disappear, but I don’t know where they go or come from.
