Can’t Unsee it

Can’t Unsee It


Disney calls itself the most magical place on earth. I don’t know if that’s true, but it has to be something for children who haven’t grown cynical from their years on earth. It will happen to them eventually. I think I got there around the age of six, although I might be more advanced than most.

Imagine what it’s like to a child to go into a place where all of these fairy-tale characters come to life. I never got to a Disney Park until I was in my teens. I was already ruined by then and the only thing that thrilled me was that Goofy was wearing the same Converse shoes as me. I should tell you, Goofy was the one who pointed it out, which made it all the more special.

Now as an adult, I’m confronted by a different type of magical character. The people who shop at Walmart leap to mind.

Where do these people come from? I had rarely ventured into a Walmart until they built one in my neighborhood, and even now it’s on a limited basis. The one’s I had been to in the past were always on the road, in another state, out of necessity.

Why, when you go into a Walmart anywhere in the country, the people are the same? The thing is, you don’t see them anywhere else but here. I can go anywhere else in my neighborhood and see normal looking people. Yet, when I go to Walmart, it’s like a new breed.

Is there some Sub-Culture living underground that can only surface in Walmart’s? I keep looking for the secret tunnel, but they have it well hidden. I’ve seen them suddenly appear and disappear, but I don’t know where they go or come from.

I’m only bringing this up because of an incident that happened over the weekend. I was doing shows in a Casino across the state and my wife came along. We were on our way back from lunch when she said,

“Check that out.”

When I glanced over, there was a heavy set woman wearing a halter top…She shouldn’t have been wearing a halter top…Let me see how I can describe what I saw…Ok, I’m just going to say it.

“She had breasts on her back!”

Yes, that’s what I saw. There was one on each side and if they had nipples she would have been arrested for public nudity. Come to think of it, she should have been arrested anyway. Nobody should have to look at that.

It’s not like my wife points out attractive half naked women to me…OK, so maybe my radar detects it…but, still…

My wife thought it was hysterical that image would stay with me. It’s not something you can just get out of your head.

I was reminded of a time when I was doing shows in Florida and the club owner asked me if I would mind doing an extra show at a Nudist Colony. It was extra money and I figured I would get some material out of it. What harm could it do?

The show was clothing optional. Of course that means the people you would want to see naked, got dressed for the night. The naked ones came in with towels.

In case you’re wondering, the reason they had towels is so they wouldn’t have to replace all the chairs every time they had an event.

As we were walking out after the show, I noticed something sitting there. I say something because I couldn’t determine if it were man or woman. The hair was cut short and the body was just a blob of flesh. It was like an amoeba with no definite shape or form.

I noticed that he or she had their legs spread and feet on a table in front of them. If I walked around in front, I could solve the mystery. Part of me was saying,

“You don’t want to find out.”

Unfortunately, curiosity won.

I still don’t know. Sometimes it keeps me awake at night. There are some things we aren’t meant to see. That’s why they live underground and only surface at Walmart.

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