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Somebody Should Have Stopped It

Somebody Should Have Stopped It

 

This will be kind of a weird post for me but, I can’t get it out of my mind. Driving home the other night, listening to Underground Garage on Sirius, a song came on by Elvis. The song was “Clambake.” Not one of his big hits but, a song from one of his crappy movies.

At one time he was considered the King of Rock…It should’ve actually been Chuck Berry but, it was the 50’s and they needed a white guy. I should let you know I wasn’t alive at the time…Yeah, I know, hard to believe…sometimes you people really get under my old wrinkled skin.

What happened was, at the height of his fame, Elvis was drafted and did his stint in the army. When he came back, he had some more big hits but, his manager had bigger and better things in mind.

Despite his talent, Elvis was still a dumb hick from Mississippi. Giving a Carnival barker half of your earnings for your entire life doesn’t get the Mensa people knocking at your door. Letting that same idiot take control of your career is even worse.

You see, the Colonel decided the big money was in making movies instead of recording and touring. He got Elvis a big movie deal that would keep them both rich for the rest of their lives. The problem was, they weren’t good movies. No, the complete opposite. Within a short time Elvis would go from the “King of Rock” to the “King of Schlock.”

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We’re Getting There

We’re Getting There

 

Looking back, it’s all a blur. Every day the same as the day before. Lockdowns, masks, social distancing…Ok, that part I liked. Keeping morons six feet away from me was the best thing. Of course, the true idiots never listen to the rules.

Last summer I was so anxious to go someplace and experience a sense of normalcy, I actually said,

“I would even go to a Pirates game if I could.”

Probably should have checked my temperature for fever that day. How desperate must I have been to be willing to put myself through that torture? Can you imagine paying money to watch a team that gets trounced every night? Sitting through 20-1 and 14-2 thumping’s doesn’t sound like a good time.

Anyway, I’ve had shows the last three weeks and am hosting my graduation class show on Friday. I’ve been on planes, stayed in hotels, shaken hands and gone out to dinner with my wife without having to wear a mask.

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Just My Luck

 

Just My Luck

 

Things have been going really good for me lately…I mean, really good. That’s what has me concerned. Usually…I mean almost always…OK, I mean always, when things are going well, something bad happens.

Yeah I know,

“The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away.”

It’s just that there’s no,

“The Lord taketh away and then he giveth back.”

You would think these things would even out but, I have to tell you, I’m way behind in the taketh away’s.

That’s what has me so worried. Everything has been going so well, I must be in for a disaster. I was trying to figure out what could go wrong and then I saw it.

Apparently, there’s a piece of a Chinese Rocket flying around space that’s about to fall down upon the earth. This part of the rocket was supposed to drop off into the ocean after launch. That didn’t happen and now it’s hurtling around the atmosphere at over 17,000 miles an hour and getting close to earth.

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Why Not Take a Shot?

Why Not Take a Shot?

 

With all that we’ve gone through the past year and more, there finally seems to be light at the end of the tunnel. When you see it, why not walk toward the light? By getting everyone vaccinated, we can have herd immunity and get back to normal.

It seems simple enough, that’s why I got my shots. Let’s get this over with and behind us so we can have life the way it was before. Why would you not do that? I’m tired of smelling my own breath in my mask. Not that it’s horrible…well, if I eat garlic it can be unpleasant…or if I didn’t brush my teeth…I’m just sick of having to do it.

Well, as it turns out, even though I’m vaccinated I will still have to wear a mask. That’s because the people who refused to wear a mask to begin with are now refusing to get the vaccine. My question is, why I should care about them when they didn’t give a damn about me?

You know, the alternate reality people. Where conspiracies are truth and truth are conspiracies. To them, the whole pandemic was a hoax and the vaccine is a way for Bill Gates to control their minds. Yes, it sounds ridiculous but, so do the rest of their beliefs.

I was feeling really good about having my shots and then I started thinking about,

“What if they’re right?”

Could the scientist be lying to us and the truth is coming from an ex-crackhead hawking cheap, crappy pillows?

What would happen if Bill Gates were really trying to control our minds? What could he do to us?

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Beware the Monkey People

Beware the Monkey People

 

I read where scientists in the United States and China got together to develop an embryo that is part human, part monkey. The reason for this is to use the monkey people for transplant organs to give people having trouble finding a donor. If you’ve ever seen a “Planet of the Apes” movie, you know this won’t end well.

Now, I’m not a scientist but, I like to think I know almost everything…you can ask my wife about that…I just don’t see this working.

How do you get anyone to go along with this, even if they are just monkey people? I know the simple minded consistently vote against their own best interest but, this is at another level. It’s one thing to convince people they don’t need higher wages and health benefits. Also that billionaires shouldn’t have to pay taxes.

Those things are easy to fool people into believing. How do you convince the monkey people that once they reach a certain age, we get to cut them open and remove their insides?

You know how this works. The smartest of the monkey people will become the leader and organize the rest. Once they are together, they will find a way to escape and attack their captors. Once they’re free, they’ll expect to have rights and be more than just spare parts.

There will be groups of people siding with the monkey people. I can see myself backing them up…You know, unless I need a kidney or something.

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