What’s Wrong With People?
What’s Wrong With People?
First it started with saying “Happy Holidays” made you a heathen who had declared war on Christmas. I have a sign in my yard that lights up and says “Happy Holidays.” I guess that makes me a bad person…or maybe they were sold out of the ones that say “Merry Christmas” and I didn’t feel like going to another store.
Last year it was the song, “Baby its Cold Outside,” written in 1944, was suddenly about a sexual predator.
This year may be the worst of all. A commercial came out where a guy gives his wife a $2200.00 Peloton bike for Christmas and suddenly he becomes the biggest creep on earth.
People protested the company, stocks went down, lives were threatened…I don’t know if lives were actually threatened but you have to admit, there are a lot of idiots among us.
The man is being portrayed as basically telling his wife,
“Get on that bike and keep yourself fit or next Christmas I’ll be married to the hot woman from my office.”
I saw the commercial and didn’t interpret that part of it.
From what I saw, the woman gets the bike, sets a goal, films herself working out every day and is happy about it one year later. Not only that, but she looks exactly the same. She hasn’t aged a bit. Even has the same haircut. If I didn’t know better, I would think they filmed all of this within few days. But no, it’s the magic of the bike that keeps you from aging. [Read more…]
One Stop Shopping
One Stop Shopping
When I was a kid, Christmas shopping meant going into town and going from one department store to the next. None of them were next to each other, so you had to have a strategy. Start at the one closest to the bus stop and then move on to the next.
We used to go with my mother on the bus. It started off as an exciting adventure, the chance to see all of the lights and holiday decorations. The night would soon turn into an evening of hell, going from store to store looking for the best bargains.
The stores seemed like they were miles apart and we covered a lot of ground. At the end of the night we would be walking for what seemed like hours, carrying bags of clothes we had been forced to try on. The worst part is,
“What kid wanted clothes for Christmas?”
Christmas lights didn’t seem to sparkle as brightly on the way back to the bus.
Corporate America decided people were too lazy to shop this way and started building malls. All of the stores were located under one roof so you didn’t have to brave the cold and snow. Of course some of the stores were located across the mall from each other, so you might have to walk three minutes to get there.
The Bears Have it Right
The Bears Have it Right
It’s that time of year again. I don’t mean that time when my neighbors are competing between lighting up for Halloween too late and lighting up for Christmas too early. It’s taking place right around the corner from me. Two houses, directly across from each other, competing with conflicting holidays.
What I’m talking about is winter…it’s not here yet, but it sure feels that way. Tuesday was cold and drizzling and the whole day seemed like it was still nighttime. Gray and dark and who wants to get out of bed.
I hate winter, I’m tired of dealing with the cold and snow and I don’t feel like moving someplace warm. That’s why, this year, I’ve decided to follow the bears and hibernate until spring.
What’s not to like about this idea? First of all, I have to gain a lot of weight. That’s right… not loose, but gain weight. When was the last time you made a decision to get fat? We usually get there anyway, but not because we’re trying. Then after we gain the weight, we have to make an effort to take it off.
Not me. When I get really fat I will say,
“I better eat some more.”
This has to maintain me until March.
So now I plan to eat as much as I can until Thanksgiving. Then, I will really stuff myself full of turkey loaded with tryptophan. After the last football game ends, I will crawl into bed and set the alarm for March 20.
When Dinner Attacks
When Dinner Attacks
We’ve all been attacked by dinner in one way or another. Whether it’s the heartburn from eating something too spicy or the run to the bathroom after digesting something undercooked or spoiled.
Yeah, but how many of us have had Thanksgiving dinner show up in a gang and terrorize the neighborhood?
That’s what’s happening in an over 55 Community called Holiday Town in Toms River, New Jersey. Apparently a large group of wild turkeys have shown up and taken over. They’re a menace and they travel in packs. It’s getting so bad that people are afraid to leave their homes.
You can’t tell me this is a coincidence. With all of the people who believe in crazy conspiracy theories, this ones right in front of your face.
There are people who believe the earth is flat and the moon doesn’t exist. This despite the photos taken of the earth which clearly show its round.
Yeah, but weren’t a lot of those pictures taken form the moon? How can you take a picture from a place that doesn’t exist?
Do you see how you can make this work if you’re insane?
