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The Bears Have it Right

The Bears Have it Right

 

It’s that time of year again. I don’t mean that time when my neighbors are competing between lighting up for Halloween too late and lighting up for Christmas too early. It’s taking place right around the corner from me. Two houses, directly across from each other, competing with conflicting holidays.

What I’m talking about is winter…it’s not here yet, but it sure feels that way. Tuesday was cold and drizzling and the whole day seemed like it was still nighttime. Gray and dark and who wants to get out of bed.

I hate winter, I’m tired of dealing with the cold and snow and I don’t feel like moving someplace warm. That’s why, this year, I’ve decided to follow the bears and hibernate until spring.

What’s not to like about this idea? First of all, I have to gain a lot of weight. That’s right… not loose, but gain weight. When was the last time you made a decision to get fat? We usually get there anyway, but not because we’re trying. Then after we gain the weight, we have to make an effort to take it off.

Not me. When I get really fat I will say,

“I better eat some more.”

This has to maintain me until March.

So now I plan to eat as much as I can until Thanksgiving. Then, I will really stuff myself full of turkey loaded with tryptophan. After the last football game ends, I will crawl into bed and set the alarm for March 20.

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When Dinner Attacks

When Dinner Attacks

 

We’ve all been attacked by dinner in one way or another. Whether it’s the heartburn from eating something too spicy or the run to the bathroom after digesting something undercooked or spoiled.

Yeah, but how many of us have had Thanksgiving dinner show up in a gang and terrorize the neighborhood?

That’s what’s happening in an over 55 Community called Holiday Town in Toms River, New Jersey. Apparently a large group of wild turkeys have shown up and taken over. They’re a menace and they travel in packs. It’s getting so bad that people are afraid to leave their homes.

You can’t tell me this is a coincidence. With all of the people who believe in crazy conspiracy theories, this ones right in front of your face.

There are people who believe the earth is flat and the moon doesn’t exist. This despite the photos taken of the earth which clearly show its round.

Yeah, but weren’t a lot of those pictures taken form the moon? How can you take a picture from a place that doesn’t exist?

Do you see how you can make this work if you’re insane?

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