Robot Day?
Robot Day?
As if it wasn’t bad enough that they stopped us from dying baby chickens different colors and giving them to children at Easter. Yes, it shortened their lives, but think of the countless minutes the children enjoyed playing with them.
Now PETA wants to ruin Groundhog Day by getting rid of the…Groundhog. Without the Groundhog, it’s just February second.
This is an annual event that started in 1887. Oh, but now it’s bad for some reason. We have to protect the poor ground hog. Have you ever seen one? They look like Giant Rats. My mother had one burrow under her back porch last summer. I tried to bash it’s skull with a shovel…Hey, at least I didn’t dye it pink.
How else are you going to get 40,000 people to go to a place called Gobblers Knob? A place named after a porno movie…Yeah, I did that joke last year…shut up!
PETA wants to replace the Groundhog with a robot that is actually able to predict the weather. I’m bored already. The fun of Groundhog Day is the hope the groundhog may have contacted rabbis and will attack and chew the face off the guy holding it. That’s why we watch right? Isn’t it? Well, that’s what I want to see.
The whole reason for blaming six more weeks of winter on a groundhog is they’re ugly and easy to hate. As soon as they say Phil predicts six more weeks of winter,
“Stupid Giant Rat! I’d like to bash in his skull with a shovel!”
See, it’s not just me.
How can you hate a robot? They perform such necessary tasks, like bring us toilet paper.
OK, maybe they do other things, but that’s all I know.
So another holiday bites the dust. Wait until Santa has to get a flying hybrid sleigh because it’s cruel to make reindeer travel that far in one night.
PETA won’t stop until they’ve destroyed every holiday. Enjoy your To-furkey next Thanksgiving. I guess I’ll never see another full grown blue chicken.
Yeah, Here’s Your Resolution!
Yeah, Here’s Your Resolution!
Wow, 2020…sounds like a great name for a TV show…Yeah, I know…Shut up…You try to write this crap.
So do you have your list of resolutions to break in the New Year? Seriously, how many have you ever kept? So why do you keep doing it? Maybe the problem is, you’re making the wrong resolutions.
First, don’t make resolutions that are impossible to keep. I remember one year I decided I would be more tolerable of others. Yeah, right…I don’t think I was five minutes out of the house when that one was broken.
It was then I decided most of these morons are deserving of my disdain.
You should also avoid resolutions that will screw you. For example, two years ago I vowed to be more financially responsible in the New Year.
That’s just asking for something to go wrong.
January 2 the furnace broke and the next day the garage door opener died. We weren’t even a week into the year and I was bleeding money. I couldn’t help but think at the time,
“If I had decided to be more financially responsible a year earlier. I would have money set aside for this rainy day.”
Of course, that would have just made things break a year earlier. Do you see how this works?
