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Yeah, Here’s Your Resolution!

Yeah, Here’s Your Resolution!

 

Wow, 2020…sounds like a great name for a TV show…Yeah, I know…Shut up…You try to write this crap.

So do you have your list of resolutions to break in the New Year? Seriously, how many have you ever kept? So why do you keep doing it? Maybe the problem is, you’re making the wrong resolutions.

First, don’t make resolutions that are impossible to keep. I remember one year I decided I would be more tolerable of others. Yeah, right…I don’t think I was five minutes out of the house when that one was broken.

It was then I decided most of these morons are deserving of my disdain.

You should also avoid resolutions that will screw you. For example, two years ago I vowed to be more financially responsible in the New Year.

That’s just asking for something to go wrong.

January 2 the furnace broke and the next day the garage door opener died. We weren’t even a week into the year and I was bleeding money. I couldn’t help but think at the time,

“If I had decided to be more financially responsible a year earlier. I would have money set aside for this rainy day.”

Of course, that would have just made things break a year earlier. Do you see how this works?

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Enough Already!

Enough Already!

 

Cookies, sausage, fried shrimp, pepperoni, cookies, pasta, bread, cookies, chocolate covered popcorn, ham, cookies, chocolate covered pepperoni and cookies…I’ve eaten so much this week. My clothes that were big and loose are no longer big and loose…Chocolate covered pants…No mas!

With Christmas coming, I decided to have my lab work for my upcoming physical done last week. Then, I would be able to eat whatever I wanted during the holidays without worrying about how it affected my cholesterol.

As I left the office, with less blood than when I went in, I felt cleansed. Like I could eat whatever I wanted without having to worry about it for another year. What’s the worst thing I could possibly eat?

Do you know the “Iowa State Fair” actually offers a fried stick of butter on a stick? That’s right, they take a stick of butter, put a stick through it, cover it with batter and deep fry it. Then, in case that’s not bad enough for you, they drizzle it with a sugar glaze.

I could feel my arteries clog as I read about it. No mention of whether a doctor or nurse was standing by the stand with a defibrillator. You would think a lot of people would fall over dead just from eating a few bites.

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