Enough Already!

Enough Already!

 

Cookies, sausage, fried shrimp, pepperoni, cookies, pasta, bread, cookies, chocolate covered popcorn, ham, cookies, chocolate covered pepperoni and cookies…I’ve eaten so much this week. My clothes that were big and loose are no longer big and loose…Chocolate covered pants…No mas!

With Christmas coming, I decided to have my lab work for my upcoming physical done last week. Then, I would be able to eat whatever I wanted during the holidays without worrying about how it affected my cholesterol.

As I left the office, with less blood than when I went in, I felt cleansed. Like I could eat whatever I wanted without having to worry about it for another year. What’s the worst thing I could possibly eat?

Do you know the “Iowa State Fair” actually offers a fried stick of butter on a stick? That’s right, they take a stick of butter, put a stick through it, cover it with batter and deep fry it. Then, in case that’s not bad enough for you, they drizzle it with a sugar glaze.

I could feel my arteries clog as I read about it. No mention of whether a doctor or nurse was standing by the stand with a defibrillator. You would think a lot of people would fall over dead just from eating a few bites.

What sick individual came up with this heart attack on a stick? I have to believe it was invented by somebody in the pharmaceutical industry.

The monthly prescription for cholesterol pills has got to be much higher than the four bucks they are charging for this concoction.

I’ve never looked in the refrigerator for something to eat and grabbed a stick of butter. I know, some of you may have, but I bet you never thought of covering it in batter and frying it. Oh, what the hell do I know? You may have thought of wrapping it in cheese and sticking it between Oreos before you fried it.

Ok wait, that’s mine. Cheesy, Oreo fried butter. Yes doctor, you can buy your boat.

Anyway, even if you haven’t been eating fried butter, you’ve probably been eating quite a bit this week. That’s why they have Christmas so close to New Year. The “I’m going to lose weight and get in shape this year” resolution. Somebody that owned a gym probably came up with December 25 as the date for Christmas.

I heard today that “Planet Fitness” is offering one dollar to join and ten dollars a month membership. How can you not join for that price?

Of course for ten bucks a month, what’s your incentive? That’s only two and a half sticks of fried butter at the “Iowa State Fair.” If you skip the butter to pay for the gym, you really don’t need the gym. That’s where they get you.