Yeah, Here’s Your Resolution!

Yeah, Here’s Your Resolution!


Wow, 2020…sounds like a great name for a TV show…Yeah, I know…Shut up…You try to write this crap.

So do you have your list of resolutions to break in the New Year? Seriously, how many have you ever kept? So why do you keep doing it? Maybe the problem is, you’re making the wrong resolutions.

First, don’t make resolutions that are impossible to keep. I remember one year I decided I would be more tolerable of others. Yeah, right…I don’t think I was five minutes out of the house when that one was broken.

It was then I decided most of these morons are deserving of my disdain.

You should also avoid resolutions that will screw you. For example, two years ago I vowed to be more financially responsible in the New Year.

That’s just asking for something to go wrong.

January 2 the furnace broke and the next day the garage door opener died. We weren’t even a week into the year and I was bleeding money. I couldn’t help but think at the time,

“If I had decided to be more financially responsible a year earlier. I would have money set aside for this rainy day.”

Of course, that would have just made things break a year earlier. Do you see how this works?

The other thing people do wrong is set too many goals all at once for the New Year. What’s the rush? You have all year to make and break resolutions.

Why does it have to be at the beginning of the year? Why not break one monthly? Then the last day of each month could be New Month’s Eve. Then you get to wake up with twelve horrendous hangovers instead of just the one.

You can also recycle resolutions you’ve already broken. For example, you can bring back the one about losing weight in May…You know the one you broke in January because

“I need the extra weight for insulation during the winter months, I’ll just wear loose clothing.”

Yeah, in May you’ll be twenty pounds heavier than you were in January, but it’ll be easier to take off than when you bring this one back in September.

What about the gym membership? You know, the one you paid the whole year in advance because it would force you to go.


With bringing back your resolutions, you can start and stop going to the gym every few months instead of just ending it on January 15.

Hey, it’s December 31…you haven’t broken a single one yet. Yeah, by this time tomorrow…but not yet.

Remember, be more tolerable with yourself in the New Year. I’m certainly not going to.

Give yourself the gift of second and third chances…

It’s the gift that keeps breaking…all year long.

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