Archives for June 2019

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The Rocket’s Head Glare

The Rocket’s Head Glare

 

I remember the first time I got a pack of firecrackers as a kid. Before I opened them I read the instructions.

“Place on ground, light fuse, run away.”

Yes, light fuse and run away. It didn’t say “Walk Away Leisurely,” Or “Stand Over and Stare.” It also didn’t say, “Throw at your friends,” although that’s what we ended up doing. Not at anybody’s face or eyes…we weren’t monsters. We’d usually aim for the crotch.

If you’ve ever had a firecracker blow up on near or on you, they sting but you’re not going to lose anything important.

The heavier artillery like M-80’s and Fireworks can cause serious damage and you have to be careful with them. I bring this up as the Fourth of July approaches and we will be hearing about various fireworks related injuries.

Most of these incidents can be avoided, but that would involve following directions. You can find a long list of safety tips online. I’ll just go over the first few.

  1. Children should not handle Fireworks…That’s a no-brainer.
  2. Do not use alcohol with Fireworks…Yeah, right.
  3. Follow the Laws, use common sense…How can I use common sense if I’m drunk?

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My Head is Horny

My Head is Horny

 

They bump into me as they walk down the street or through a store. They wander out into traffic without looking up. You see them driving without watching the road. You have to hope nothing will happen to them…Well, maybe you do, but not me. If you’re going to spend your time staring down at your phone instead of experiencing life, you get what you deserve.

That’s probably why I was delighted to hear how young people are now developing horns on the back of their heads from staring down constantly at their devices. I don’t have anything against young people. In fact, I wouldn’t mind the same thing happening to older morons.

It’s just that as of now, only young people are growing horns. I guess those of us who are older will not be part of the next step in human evolution.

Yes, Evolution…this article isn’t open for religious debate. Without Evolution, I have nothing to write about.

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Make It Stop!

Make It Stop!

 

“Riiing…”

It just won’t stop.

“Riiing…”

That is probably the 200th time today.

“Riiing…”

There it is again…It just won’t stop.

No, not the rain…I’m not going to complain about the rain. You’re probably sick of hearing people moan about it already, so I won’t go there…OK, so I already did.

No, what’s happening is we had an outage with our Verizon service last night. Cable and WIFI were out and so was our land line phone.

Yes, we still have a land line…No, it’s not a rotary. Stop being a smart ass. [Read more…]

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