The Rocket’s Head Glare

The Rocket’s Head Glare


I remember the first time I got a pack of firecrackers as a kid. Before I opened them I read the instructions.

“Place on ground, light fuse, run away.”

Yes, light fuse and run away. It didn’t say “Walk Away Leisurely,” Or “Stand Over and Stare.” It also didn’t say, “Throw at your friends,” although that’s what we ended up doing. Not at anybody’s face or eyes…we weren’t monsters. We’d usually aim for the crotch.

If you’ve ever had a firecracker blow up on near or on you, they sting but you’re not going to lose anything important.

The heavier artillery like M-80’s and Fireworks can cause serious damage and you have to be careful with them. I bring this up as the Fourth of July approaches and we will be hearing about various fireworks related injuries.

Most of these incidents can be avoided, but that would involve following directions. You can find a long list of safety tips online. I’ll just go over the first few.

  1. Children should not handle Fireworks…That’s a no-brainer.
  2. Do not use alcohol with Fireworks…Yeah, right.
  3. Follow the Laws, use common sense…How can I use common sense if I’m drunk?

Common Sense, what a joke. You’re out there. How many people do you see using common sense? I say less than 30 percent and I might be generous with that. So, for the next week you’re going to mix lack of common sense, alcohol and explosives…What could go wrong?

Until somebody tops it…and I have faith they will…the all-time worst case scenario happened four years ago. That was when the guy from Maine strapped a firework to his head and lit it.

Yes, he’s dead.

I know we shouldn’t speak ill of the dead but, did you see how he died?

He strapped a firework to his head and lit it.

The reason he had to strap it to his head is because fireworks are not meant to be used as headwear. You don’t walk in to buy fireworks and ask,

“Excuse me, where do you keep the fireworks hats?”

So he strapped it to his head and nobody watching thought it might not be a good idea. Of course there were other people around. You don’t attach a mortar to your head without an audience. They were probably encouraging him to light it. Wouldn’t you? What’s your concern?

“I hope nothing bad happens to the guy with the firework tied to his head. He might be the one who someday cures cancer.”

There’s an old joke about every rednecks last words being,

“Watch this!”

If somebody gives you something to look at, you take a peek. You never know when you might get the chance to see someone launch their head into space.

So…he lit the firework.









Now we need another safety tip.

4.  Do not strap exploding projectile to your head.

You would think everyone would know that anyway…Yeah, you would think.

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