My Head is Horny

My Head is Horny

 

They bump into me as they walk down the street or through a store. They wander out into traffic without looking up. You see them driving without watching the road. You have to hope nothing will happen to them…Well, maybe you do, but not me. If you’re going to spend your time staring down at your phone instead of experiencing life, you get what you deserve.

That’s probably why I was delighted to hear how young people are now developing horns on the back of their heads from staring down constantly at their devices. I don’t have anything against young people. In fact, I wouldn’t mind the same thing happening to older morons.

It’s just that as of now, only young people are growing horns. I guess those of us who are older will not be part of the next step in human evolution.

Yes, Evolution…this article isn’t open for religious debate. Without Evolution, I have nothing to write about.

According to evolution, we started as nothing but microorganisms. From there, we grew into a tadpole. Then the tadpoles moved to land and developed from there…Oh, I’m sure the first couple of hotshot tadpoles got out of the water before they were ready. When the other tadpoles observed their shriveling bodies, they said,

“I think I’ll work on breathing air before I get out of the pond.”

From there we moved on to apes and then Neanderthals and eventually humans. They say humans and Neanderthals used to mate, but that probably has something to do with the discovery of alcohol.

We haven’t done much since then. Maybe gotten taller and fatter but that can be attributed to the additives in our foods. You can get a full grown chicken in a couple of days…what do you think happens when you eat it? Secret herbs and spices my ass!

So now, the human of the future will have horns growing out of their heads. I know, it’s going to leave a mark when they walk into me. It’ll be worth it.

“Keep staring at your phone Horn Head!”

People in the future will be attracted to different qualities than we are now.

“Check out the set of horns on her.”

“I hear he’s got an enormous horn under that hat.”

“Do my horns look better straight or curled?”

Eventually, people will no longer be able to lift their heads because of this growth. What will we look like then?

Yeah, I know…

“I could never be attracted to somebody with horns on their head.”

Well, enough alcohol and that tadpole doesn’t look too bad does it?