Look on the Bright Side

Look on the Bright Side

Like everyone else, I’m dealing with this pandemic the best I can. We’re all in this together after all…ok, except for the people that refuse to wear masks and social distance, because it’s a hoax. Then there are the people who won’t wear masks because,
“Themz takin away minze freedom.”
Ok, so we’re not all in this together. If we were it wouldn’t be spreading as much. Forget what I said.

I’m trying to look for some of the positives.
For example, you don’t have to worry about your appearance. You’re not going anywhere, so who cares? I have a big sauce stain on my shirt from Sunday and I’m wearing it again today. Why waste laundry when nobody is going to see me? Ok, my wife keeps making comments about it but, I’ve learned to ignore her. There’s something I’ve gained from spending 24 hours a day together.
That’s just me. She told me it took her 15 minutes to decide what to wear to work yesterday.
She works across the hall from our bedroom. I’m not making this up.

You have an excuse for not helping friends move.
“I really don’t feel comfortable touching your stuff.”

We don’t have to go to weddings. Not only that but, how many couples had to postpone getting married only to find out you couldn’t stand each other anyway? See, positive.

You have an excuse for not going to church. This doesn’t apply to me, I don’t go anyway but, some of you feel obligated. I thought God was everywhere. Apparently, not on the weekends.

When this is all over, I’m switching religions. I’m going from Catholic to Evangelical. The Catholic Church is just boring ceremonies. Evangelicals are having orgies. Which one sounds like it’s more fun?

Lastly, even though I have nowhere to be, when I drive I’m going way over the speed limit. I haven’t seen many people getting pulled over. Even if they do pull me over, I’m ready for them. Even if they’re wearing a mask, I’m not putting one on.

“Sorry Officer, I was only out for a drive and didn’t bring one.”
Then I’ll start coughing and hacking and say,

“Is it really hot? I’m burning up. I think I may have a fever.”
If they still don’t get the hint,
“I need your license, registration and proof of insurance.”
“Sorry Officer, I really prefer you don’t touch my things. I don’t need your cooties in my car.”

See, find the positive in all of this…Oh, who the hell am I kidding? This is so aggravating.