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No Fund Anymore

No Fund Anymore

 

Hey it’s your birthday…happy birthday to you…now, just stop begging me for money.

Ok, Maybe that sounds a little harsh…but it has to end.

Here’s the deal. For years on Facebook…have I been on Facebook for years? Wow, what the hell happened to me? Anyway, for years I would get a notification telling me one of my friends was having a birthday. Then I could click on, send them some meaningless post and we would be good for a year.

Now everything has changed. Whenever I see it’s someone’s birthday, I click on them and find out they are asking for birthday donations.

No, they’re not asking me to send them money, although I would if they needed it. No, now it’s a big scam to get me to donate to the cause they’ve chosen for their birthday.

First of all, let me say I’m not anti-charity or against giving to a worthy cause. It’s just too much. Every day it’s somebody else trying to help out an organization just because it happens to be the day they climbed out of a womb.

You’re friend Tom Fink is using his birthday to collect funds for “Fat Cats.” An organization trying to raise money to buy nutria-system for overweight kittens.

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Please Pay No Attention

Please Pay No Attention

 

Pay no attention and stay the hell away! That seems to be the message the Pirates are sending to fans as they head to spring training. Are you hopeful this team is going to compete for a championship? Yeah, me neither.

Oh, you can say they have four good starting pitchers. Problem is you need five starters. They had five but had to do a salary dump on Ivan Nova because he was scheduled to make nine million dollars this year. What team would pay that much for a starting pitcher? Ok, anyone not owned by Bob “Ka-Ching” Nutting.

So now the Pirates will do what they always do and try to find pitching help on the “Island of Misfit Players.” Because, well… you don’t have to pay those guys anything.

Ok, so after they were the only team not to sign a free agent last year, they went out and signed Lonnie Chisenhall this off season. The minute I heard this I immediately went online to try to order my World Series tickets…Lonnie…Lonnie…Lonnie!!!

Then the Pirates went out and signed Nick Franklin…I have no idea who he is either. Oh, and they are bringing Francisco Liriano back from the dead. Not only is he cheap, but they probably still have a couple of cases of his bobble heads left over from last time he was here. Ka-Ching!

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Refrigerdating?

Refrigerdating?

 

Valentine’s Day is coming up. I view it as another made up holiday where we are forced to buy people things. Another day to aggravate me. So, why do a lot of single people feel extra lonely around this time? Count the money in your wallet and cheer up!

My wife and I have been together for as long as I can remember. One of the advantages of getting older is you don’t remember like you used to.

It’s not the perfect marriage but we make it work. Mainly because we both realize nobody else could put up with either one of us. I can’t even imagine what it’s like to be single…OK, I imagine it all the time. We all need dreams to keep us going.

It’s a whole new world now. We didn’t have dating apps, we had to rely on bars to find our perfect match. You drank enough to get up the courage to ask a girl for her phone number. If she gave you an actual number, you sweated it out on the way to pick her up for your first date.

Does she look as good as she did when I was drinking? If not it was,

“The movie I want to see is playing in another state.”

Ok, so women said that to me…Shut Up!

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