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A Real Genius

A Real Genius

 

I don’t know how it started. I began getting a daily inspirational quote in my e-mails. Usually when something comes I didn’t sign up for, I immediately unsubscribe. That doesn’t stop the next male-enhancement drug adds from coming my way, but I try to stay off most mailing lists.

The thing with these inspirational quotes…they really can be inspiring. It’s usually something in the context of “If you get off your ass and do something, you have a better chance of succeeding than if you just sit around feeling sorry for yourself.”

They’re usually able to say it in fewer words…probably why the name “John Knight” has yet to show up in my daily inspirational quotes.

Some days the quotes are from somebody like Taylor Swift or Katy Perry. I never even bother to open those…I shouldn’t have to tell you why I never bother to open those.

Up until today my favorite quote came from one of my comedy heroes, Groucho Marx.

“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.”

That basically sums it up. I’ve been living by those words. Then today, I was inspired by one of the greatest minds of all time, Albert Einstein.

“Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not so sure about the former.”

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It’s Real Baby!

It’s Real Baby!

 

As I pulled in, the parking lot was almost empty. That’s a good sign. I should be out of here in no time. It had been four years since I’d been here, but this is where it should be. This is where it’s been for as long as I remember. There was no signage on the building and the emptiness of the lot started to make me wonder.

It seemed like a ghost town as I walked towards the entrance. I couldn’t see anybody inside. The sign on the door told me all I needed to know. The DMV had relocated to another building on the other side of the parking lot.

There was no place to park, which isn’t a good sign. The crowd outside was either smoking or on their phones. Nobody looked happy. I walked through the doors and entered hell.

You used to grab a ticket, take a seat and wait for your number to be called. It was usually at least an hour wait, but you knew that going in.

“At least it’s only every four years.”

Today I walked in and got in line where a security guard was handing out the magic tickets. She asked me why I was there and I said,
“To get my real ID.”

That’s the new thing we’re required to get now, Real ID. I guess as opposed to that counterfeit Driver’s License I’ve been passing off all of these years. We won’t be required to get the real ID until October of 2020. I could just get a normal Driver’s License for a year but,

“WHY WOULD I WANT TO SUBJECT MYSELF TO THIS AGAIN NEXT YEAR?” [Read more…]

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Burial at Sea (Death of the Pirates)

Bury Them at Sea

 

The other day my wife said to me,

“Your birthday is coming up. Do you want to go to the Pirates game?”

“Are you mad at me?”

My first thought was I had done something to piss her off. Why else should anybody be subjected to these 2019 Pittsburgh Pirates?

Fans had some hope last week when Mark Cuban showed up at the game. Maybe he was looking to buy. That dreams been squashed. He’s not interested and the team isn’t for sale. It’s not for sale because they are making money…spending it is another issue.

As always, the season started with management telling us they had put together a contending team capable of going far in the post season. I wasn’t buying it, but that’s what they said. Supposedly, the pitching was really good and would carry them. The only thing the pitching has been good for is opposing players looking to increase their batting average and pad their home run stats.

Ok, they did have a lot of injuries to their starting pitching. If you remember, that was when they went out and signed…absolutely nobody. Are you crazy? They just tried to put things together with duct tape and super glue.

[Read more…]

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