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Baby It’s Insane Outside

 

Baby its Insane Outside

 

It started last week, when a Cleveland radio station said they would no longer play the Christmas Classic, “Baby It’s Cold Outside.” The song was first released in 1949 and nobody has had a problem with it until now. Apparently, it contains predatory undertones and is leading to date rape.

Sorry, I never got that message from the song. If you live in a cave and have never heard it, it’s done as a duet between a man and a woman at his place during a snowstorm. From the lyrics I’ve listened to, she has shown up unannounced to his place during a major snow storm.

Yes, he’s feeding her drinks, but she keeps asking for them. At one point she does ask,

“What’s in the drink?”

Now, unless Bill Cosby wrote the lyrics, I’m guessing she’s asking about the type of alcohol.

At one point in the song, she asks if she can borrow a coat…So, a coatless woman shows up at his place during a major snow storm and he’s not supposed to think anything of it. There’s no mention of, I came by to bring over your mail, a Christmas gift or some cookies…well, the kind you eat anyway.

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Return of the Christmas Classic

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You’re Missing Out

You’re Missing Out

 

Now that our latest made up Holidays have passed, Black Friday, Cyber Monday and let’s not forget Cyber Tuesday in case you weren’t annoyed enough on Monday. It was a constant barrage of e-mails from anybody I ever buy from online…and I only buy from three places and two of those sell cigars.

It was “Once in a Lifetime Savings” followed by “You’ll Never See another Deal like This.” Wouldn’t they both be pretty much the same thing? Unless I was reincarnated and even in that lifetime I wouldn’t see another deal like that. At that point I would probably regret not acting.

Black Friday really doesn’t exist anymore since the stores are now open on Thanksgiving Day. Now at a time when people are supposed to be half consciously watching a football game they care nothing about. That time when you feel your dinner slowly work its way through the body on the way to its final destination. Instead of enjoying this moment, people are now out shopping.

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Speeders Anonymous

Speeders Anonymous

 

Originally, I was going to call this “Confessions of a Speed Addict.” Then I realized it would sound like I was talking about a drug addiction. Do they even call it speed anymore? That used to be the term for amphetamines. Do they even have regular amphetamines anymore? Or is it only the meth kind? I guess I’m too far removed from the drug culture, not that it’s a bad thing.

Amphetamines were originally supposed to be diet pills. You would lose weight because you couldn’t sit still or shut your mouth. You can’t eat if you can’t stop talking to the point of annoyance. Also, your racing heart beat burned off a lot of calories.

What I’m talking about is the need to exceed the speed limit when I drive. I know there are others out there like me and I think we need to get together for meetings to help each other.

I’ve decided to kick this nasty habit and start obeying the speed limits. My reason is, I caught a lucky break today. I challenged a recent speeding ticket in court today and won. Well, I was ready to throw myself on the mercy of the court and ask for leniency. Tell them how valuable I am to the community and it was a mistake that I will live to regret. My shame and guilt should be punishment enough.

The officer who gave me the ticket didn’t show up, so the Magistrate wished me “Happy Thanksgiving” and dismissed me. I will have to save my speech for another time…No, there won’t be another time. I’m going to kick this habit!

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