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I Can Handle This

I Can Handle This

 

Usually, I do anything possible to escape crowds. Ever since I was a kid I never liked having large amounts of people around me. I’ll take sitting with a handful of people in a dive bar over a loud crowded night club anytime.

July 4th is Independence Day for the rest of you. For me it’s my anniversary. My wife suggested we get a room and spend the day downtown Pittsburgh and then watch the fireworks. Ordinarily, I would have been hesitant to subject myself to so many people.

This year was different. After what we’ve experienced the last 18 months, I wanted a sense of normalcy. Normal for me is being aggravated by people. I’ve missed that for the last year and a half. It was time to get back to it.

If we wanted to social distance, we could have gone to the Pirates game. From the parts of the stadium I could see from the window of our hotel, it looked like everybody could have their own section.

They’re back at full capacity and it was a holiday…and nobody went. That’s what happens when the owner shovels all of the profits into his own pockets rather than invest in the team.

This really has nothing to do with the article. I just enjoy taking shots at tightwad owner, Bob Ka-Ching Nutting.

We went out for lunch and then stopped in the hotel lounge for a beverage. The bartender informed us it was the first day they were open since before the pandemic. He also told us they were having trouble finding help.

An older waiter with an accent added,

“Nobody wants to work.”

Remember that for the next part of the story.

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Who You Gonna Call?

Who You Gonna Call?

 

Living close to nature…actually closer than we used to, nature keeps shrinking because of development. Ok, we have some woods around us. We have deer, coyotes, fox, rabbits, tigers…Just, wanted to see if you were reading.

Actually, we did have a neighbor’s cat that I had to constantly chase off the deck. It got kind of annoying. Haven’t seen it for a while. Of course, neither has anybody else.

My wife got annoyed because I let a moth in the house the other night and we couldn’t catch it and the damn thing wouldn’t fly into the light. She made a big deal of it. That’s because I let it in and not her.

Once or twice we had a mouse get in. You would think the world was ending according to her. A little peanut butter in a trap and…SNAP! Always a good sound.

Anyway, I have a comeback for her complaints about any bug or rodent that ever gets into the house again. That’s thanks to what happened in Thailand the other night.

In case you didn’t see, an elephant busted through a kitchen wall looking for food. Its head was hanging right there above the sink. It looked like the way Wilma Flintstone did the dishes.

Come to think of it, the Flintstones used a lot of animals for appliances and household items. Birds for can openers and phonograph needles. A porcupine to scrub the dishes…If that show were on today, somebody would complain that they were abusing animals. It would be hard to point out to these people these were cartoons but, I’m not here to go into how much the intelligence level is shrinking.

What do you do if you have an elephant in your house? Is there a service you can call?

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Somebody Should Have Stopped It

Somebody Should Have Stopped It

 

This will be kind of a weird post for me but, I can’t get it out of my mind. Driving home the other night, listening to Underground Garage on Sirius, a song came on by Elvis. The song was “Clambake.” Not one of his big hits but, a song from one of his crappy movies.

At one time he was considered the King of Rock…It should’ve actually been Chuck Berry but, it was the 50’s and they needed a white guy. I should let you know I wasn’t alive at the time…Yeah, I know, hard to believe…sometimes you people really get under my old wrinkled skin.

What happened was, at the height of his fame, Elvis was drafted and did his stint in the army. When he came back, he had some more big hits but, his manager had bigger and better things in mind.

Despite his talent, Elvis was still a dumb hick from Mississippi. Giving a Carnival barker half of your earnings for your entire life doesn’t get the Mensa people knocking at your door. Letting that same idiot take control of your career is even worse.

You see, the Colonel decided the big money was in making movies instead of recording and touring. He got Elvis a big movie deal that would keep them both rich for the rest of their lives. The problem was, they weren’t good movies. No, the complete opposite. Within a short time Elvis would go from the “King of Rock” to the “King of Schlock.”

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We’re Getting There

We’re Getting There

 

Looking back, it’s all a blur. Every day the same as the day before. Lockdowns, masks, social distancing…Ok, that part I liked. Keeping morons six feet away from me was the best thing. Of course, the true idiots never listen to the rules.

Last summer I was so anxious to go someplace and experience a sense of normalcy, I actually said,

“I would even go to a Pirates game if I could.”

Probably should have checked my temperature for fever that day. How desperate must I have been to be willing to put myself through that torture? Can you imagine paying money to watch a team that gets trounced every night? Sitting through 20-1 and 14-2 thumping’s doesn’t sound like a good time.

Anyway, I’ve had shows the last three weeks and am hosting my graduation class show on Friday. I’ve been on planes, stayed in hotels, shaken hands and gone out to dinner with my wife without having to wear a mask.

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