Who You Gonna Call?

Who You Gonna Call?


Living close to nature…actually closer than we used to, nature keeps shrinking because of development. Ok, we have some woods around us. We have deer, coyotes, fox, rabbits, tigers…Just, wanted to see if you were reading.

Actually, we did have a neighbor’s cat that I had to constantly chase off the deck. It got kind of annoying. Haven’t seen it for a while. Of course, neither has anybody else.

My wife got annoyed because I let a moth in the house the other night and we couldn’t catch it and the damn thing wouldn’t fly into the light. She made a big deal of it. That’s because I let it in and not her.

Once or twice we had a mouse get in. You would think the world was ending according to her. A little peanut butter in a trap and…SNAP! Always a good sound.

Anyway, I have a comeback for her complaints about any bug or rodent that ever gets into the house again. That’s thanks to what happened in Thailand the other night.

In case you didn’t see, an elephant busted through a kitchen wall looking for food. Its head was hanging right there above the sink. It looked like the way Wilma Flintstone did the dishes.

Come to think of it, the Flintstones used a lot of animals for appliances and household items. Birds for can openers and phonograph needles. A porcupine to scrub the dishes…If that show were on today, somebody would complain that they were abusing animals. It would be hard to point out to these people these were cartoons but, I’m not here to go into how much the intelligence level is shrinking.

What do you do if you have an elephant in your house? Is there a service you can call?

I imagine there’s probably a guy in Thailand who thought it would be a great idea. Probably had a website built,

“Elephant Control.”

All of his friends and relatives constantly mocking him,

“Did you catch any elephants today?”

He’s just been sitting there waiting for the phone to ring. I’m sure it did on occasion and he would get all excited,

“Hello, Elephant Control…”

“Your car warranty is about to expire. This will be your last chance to renew.”

“Son of a bitch!”

Then, when all hope was lost, this week the phone rang again. He was expecting another prank call from a teenager asking if he wanted to see his trunk. Then, a miracle happened.

“Hello, Elephant Control.”

“Yes, I seem to have an elephant in my kitchen. Do you think you could come over and remove it?”

At that moment, all of the ridicule and scorn went away.

“Yes! I knew this business would work! In your face!”

At least that’s how I imagined it happened. For all I know, the elephant is still there…Does a hell of a job rinsing dishes anyway.

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