Remembering Ronnie
Remembering Ronnie
Yesterday marked twenty-five years since we lost my younger brother in a tragic accident. I put out a post as a tribute to him, I wasn’t asking for sympathy or prayers. I’m not one of those people asking for prayers on Facebook. I really don’t know what good it does. Will my praying make the doctor repairing your Uncle Louie’s hernia any better?
So instead of making this a sad occasion, I thought I would share some of my memories of growing up with Ronnie. Anyone that met him will tell you he was a character…and they mean it in the best way possible. He was the kind of person you just had to love…no matter what.
Like any brothers we would fight. I remember more than once after going to bed, we would suddenly be throwing punches at each other in the middle of the bedroom. Then my dad would show up in his boxer shorts trying to be the disciplinarian. The sight of his skinny legs and fly hanging open would calm us with laughter and the fight would be over.
Yeah, we would fight each other, but nobody else better start anything with us. You start with one, you get both.
There’s a lot of stories I could tell about him. Like the time he attempted to do stand-up and handled a heckler by leaping from the stage and tackling him…No, that’s not the proper way to handle heckling and I don’t teach it in my classes.
As we got older and both were driving, my dad got tired of us always borrowing his car. He and my mother talked us into buying a car we could share. We got a Piss Yellow Dart Swinger with an ugly green vinyl roof for $1300.
After a few weeks, the gas gauge broke and stayed on a constant half full. We were on the honor system and it was up to the last person who drove it to put gas in the tank. I should have known better.
The Jaguar and the Jag
The Jaguar and the Jag
As you know, I spend most of these columns pointing out random acts of stupidity. I don’t know, maybe I believe if we become more aware, it will lead to a more intelligent society. Yeah, no chance in hell of that happening but, I can dream.
A few days ago at an Arizona zoo, a woman was mauled by a jaguar…Do we still call them jaguars? Because the cars are now called Jag-U-A…I guess some people will still point at them and say,
“Check out the Jag.”
Although they may be talking about the person behind the wheel.
Anyway, this woman, who will only say her name is Leanne…you know, because nobody will be able to figure out the last name from her pictures all over social media…what she did was cross over the zoo barrier to take a selfie with the jaguar.
Apparently, when she went to snap the photo, the animal reached out and scratched her. My first reaction when I heard this was,
“And rightly so.”
So all these years we’ve been thinking the fences were to keep the animals in, when in fact they were actually to keep the idiots out.
I Not Robot
A Great Idea
They say necessity leads to invention and that’s exactly what happened here. It started with the fact I’m tired of having to prove I’m not a robot. You know what I mean, how certain sites make you prove your human before allowing you in.
The easiest way to prove I’m human would be to hold my face in front of a screen long enough to prove I’m human. Well, I’m pretty sure they would believe I’m human. Ok, maybe not when I first wake up but, after my first cup of coffee anyway. Plus, what are the chances I’m being held at gunpoint by a robot because it wants tickets to Cher?
Of course that would be the easy way and nothing is ever easy. No, instead I have to decipher some code of letters and numbers that I can never figure out.
“Is that a b, a 6 or an h?”
Then, when I get it wrong they send me an even more difficult puzzle. When I find myself searching through my keyboards for an upside down seven, I just say “screw it” and give up on the whole thing.
It’s not always letters and numbers. Sometimes there are six photos and they ask you to identify all the pictures that include water. There will be a few easy ones…a stream, a lake, the ocean…then they’ll through in a confusing one.
“I can’t see that tree closely enough. It may have just rained and the leaves are damp. Plus, don’t trees hold water anyway?”
By the time I finally locate Waldo, the concert is sold out.
Not only is this time consuming, but very frustrating. I was thinking,
“What if there was a machine that could do this for me.”
You’re kicking yourself right now, aren’t you? You’re saying,
“It’s so obvious, I can’t believe I didn’t think about it myself.”
So, what I’m looking for is a partner. Somebody with a degree in computer engineering. I’m thinking those best suited would be recent graduates looking for a side gig to help pay down their student loans.
Next, I’m going to need money. A bank loan is one way to go but investors would be better. Get in touch with me to find out where to send the money.
You know you want in on this…
“A robot that can prove it’s not a robot.”
Now, why didn’t you think of it?
