Guardians at the Pot

Guardians at the Pot

 

Suck on it bitches!…Yeah, I know, I don’t normally say things like this, but these aren’t normal times we are living in. The world is shut down for a virus and people are going insane…Not, that most of them weren’t already, but it’s a jungle out there.

With things changing by the second, we don’t know how bad this is going to get. That’s why we have to take precautions. I don’t think anybody needed a gross of eggs or 900 rolls of toilet paper, but some of you idiots…(Very fine people) did.

There’s not a roll of toilet paper to be found on the shelves and they are now limiting paper towels to one package per customer.

So, you’re going to rough it, and I mean rough it. Wow, using paper towels as a substitute to wipe…that particular region…OK, your ass! That means when all the craziness is over, plumbers will be the richest people in the country…You know, with the money they make from unclogging toilets.

I’m guessing “Baby Lotion” will be a big seller as well as you try to soothe the towel burns.

My wife Chrissie, who I love for many reasons, but especially this, took the initiative and ordered us a shipment on Amazon.

They are now completely sold out. We, on the other hand are prepared for Armageddon. We don’t have any hand sanitizer but, I hit the liquor stores before they closed down. We can clean our hands with alcohol and lick them dry. So, you get a buzz and save on paper towels at the same time.

So now, I can sell whatever paper towels we have remaining to the animals out there who have no choice.

Eventually they’ll be scooting along the carpet like a dog. So now you have to wipe your shoes when you leave the house. The whole world is upside down.

All for what? Because some people care more about their asses than a killer virus. It’s everyone for themselves right now and that’s what scares me.

How long can I keep it a secret that we’re sitting on 36 triple rolls of the new gold? Once they find out, things could get ugly.

That’s why the toilet paper has been moved to a secret location that we will be guarding around the clock. We’re locked and loaded over here, you’re life isn’t worth it.

Wouldn’t you rather be alive with a paper towel burn on your ass, than comfortably clean and dead? Buy some baby lotion.

We’ll survive…Of course we’ll do it better than you, but you’ll get to sit down again someday