Archives for March 2019
Juice Them Up!
Juice Them Up!
Baseball season opens this week and I find myself being a bit nostalgic for the old days. I never wanted to be one of those old guys talking about how things were better when I was younger.
“These guys are nowhere as good as the players I used to watch.”
Problem is, you can’t argue with me about that statement. Guys were way better twenty years ago, it’s not even close…that’s because they were all on steroids!
I miss those days. Guys would come out of the dugout and be twice the size of the other players. When they batted, it looked like King Kong holding a twig. There was always a chance they were going to hit a screeching liner up the middle and leave a hole in the pitcher’s torso. Just like it happens in the cartoons.
Up until the late nineties, only two guys had hit more than sixty homers in a season. The first was Babe Ruth. If you’ve ever seen a picture of the Babe, you know he wasn’t using performance enhancing drugs.
The second was Roger Maris who did it in the sixties before anybody was taking steroids. Players were more into amphetamines then. Amphetamines don’t make you hit the ball farther, they just make you annoying to be around.
Yeah, Spring This!
Yeah, Spring This!
Spring arrives at 4:48 this afternoon. I don’t know how they come up with the exact time. I don’t think they do either. Anyway, are you excited? Yeah, well I’m dancing in my shorts over here. Yes, that’s sarcasm. I’m miserable and tired of winter.
It would be nice if at the time spring’s supposed to arrive everything would come into bloom and the temperatures would go into the 70’s, but that’s not happening.
Remember back on February 2, when the rodent predicted an early spring? What the hell happened? We had one day in the 70’s last Thursday and then I drove through snow flurries two days later. One day doesn’t count as an early spring.
If you were this wrong at your job, you would have been fired a long time ago. How can you be so bad? I haven’t seen incompetence like this since I read about the girl who worked at a clothing store and gave a guy change for a thirty.
All this groundhog has to do is crawl out of the ground…Ok, they light a fire under his ass and force him out…but, once a year he just has to predict the weather. Actually just see or not see his shadow. Even the girl who changed a thirty dollar bill could do that.
Post Mikes Podcast
https://soundcloud.com/shutupstupid/the-post-mic-extravaganza-how-did-we-get-here
