Text Neck?

Text Neck?

 

I was watching the news the other day when they had a story about a new ailment sweeping the nation. It’s something called “Text Neck.” I’m not making that up, you can check. So now, we have another hazard brought on by the overuse of cell phones.

We already have “Driving While Intexticated.” Not making that up either. You can get pulled over for texting while driving. People that believe they can text and drive is why I go through two or three mailboxes a year.

“How could you not see the mailbox?”

“I was looking at my phone.”

This is why they are developing self-driving cars. We have way more important things to do when we’re driving than look at the stupid road.

First of all, when someone is texting they’re saying,

“I have something to tell you or ask you, but I don’t really want to hear your voice.”

It’s insulting when you think about it.

We’re getting soft. I mean, we’re not injuring ourselves doing physical activity. You could take pride in that.

“How did you break your leg?”

“I tripped over my shoelace while I was jogging.”

Instead of that, we’re now getting aches and pains from staring at the phone. What’s next, “Remote wrist?” “Sofa spine?” “Fork finger?”

So now, since we are such a bunch of pansies, they have stretching exercises to do to help your painful “Text Neck.” Here’s one suggestion.

Let me just say, I haven’t been able to bend my body like that since…who am I kidding, I was never able to bend my body like that. If I even attempted this I would end up in an ambulance. I hurt my back just looking at the photo.

This is a case of the cure being worse than the symptom. It’s like those pills I’ve seen advertised for “Toenail Fungus.” At the end of the commercial they list the side effects…Headaches, diarrhea, dizziness, high blood pressure, liver damage.

Yes, liver damage. That’s when your desire to wear flip-flops exceeds your need for a necessary organ. Put on a damn pair of shoes and nobody will notice your ugly fungus filled toenails!

I’m wondering when the lawsuits are going to start. You know, someone is going to sue Apple or Verizon because they have a pain in the neck. You don’t think so? What about the moron that sued McDonalds because they spilled hot coffee on their lap.

If you’re not familiar with that story, an idiot placed a cup of hot coffee between their legs and then began driving. Because, what could possibly go wrong? So after they scalded their crotch, they lawyered up and sued McDonald’s for making the coffee too hot. Instead of going after the real culprits. The parents who thought it would be OK to breed.

You know there’s an “Ambulance Chaser” somewhere just waiting for the first time someone puts a hot cup of coffee between their legs and starts texting while they drive. So many people to sue there.

I just get so aggravated when I hear these things. I think I will try to calm down with some yoga stretches.

My lawyer will have a field day with whoever put up a photo that would make me even attempt to bend like this.