My New Life

You may have already heard the news about me becoming a billionaire. Ok, maybe not. I may plan to keep this a secret for a few days. Oh, who am I kidding? They’ll be hunting me down like dogs.

I should let you know that as I write this, I’m still not a billionaire. Its a few hours before the Mega-Millions drawing. It’s just that I bought a ticket and am feeling confident.

Why should I feel so confident? Because I never buy lottery tickets. Unlike many of you, I don’t play when the jackpot is only a few hundred million. After taxes, what are you left with? It’s not really worth playing.

Speaking of taxes, they said on the news that winning 1.6 billion only nets you around 600 million. That’s ridiculous. I’m going to need some write-offs. That’s why I purchased a corporate jet on Amazon this afternoon. [Read more…]