My New Life

My New Life



You may have already heard the news about me becoming a billionaire. Ok, maybe not. I may plan to keep this a secret for a few days. Oh, who am I kidding? They’ll be hunting me down like dogs.

I should let you know that as I write this, I’m still not a billionaire. Its a few hours before the Mega-Millions drawing. It’s just that I bought a ticket and am feeling confident.

Why should I feel so confident? Because I never buy lottery tickets. Unlike many of you, I don’t play when the jackpot is only a few hundred million. After taxes, what are you left with? It’s not really worth playing.

Speaking of taxes, they said on the news that winning 1.6 billion only nets you around 600 million. That’s ridiculous. I’m going to need some write-offs. That’s why I purchased a corporate jet on Amazon this afternoon.

So, the reason I know I’m going to win, is beginners luck. I never play so I figure they’ll let me win. That’s how they get you.

I’m not going to get suckered in. I’m going to take my billion and walk away.

Do I think this will change me? Damn right! I have to start hanging around with a whole new group of people to aggravate me. I’m guessing billionaires will be the biggest bunch of jerks I ever spend time with.

Nothing against you people. Some of you are extremely annoying. Hope you take that in the heart felt manner it was written.

If you try to call me and ask for money and it says you’ve reached a disconnected number, that’s why. Also those guard dogs mean business.

Now, let me enjoy my last peaceful hours of the simple life. I guess some of you will say they were my good old days. That’s because you’re not a billionaire.

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