Super Spreading Santa

Super Spreading Santa


With the Virus reaching new highs every day, we’ve been instructed to stay away from large gatherings during the holidays this year. We’re not supposed to even get together with family this year. That’s why it makes no sense to let a stranger come wandering around our homes.

If he’s not coming this year, I haven’t heard anything. As far as I know, he’s still planning to make his annual trip around the globe. A trip that can end up infecting all of us but, does he care?

By the time Santa reaches the United States, he’ll be a flaming hot ball of corona, infecting everything he touches. Oh, you can say he’s magic and immune from the virus. That doesn’t mean he won’t be able to spread the nasty germs wherever he goes.

Do you really think he’s going to remember to be cautious in each house? I don’t know about kids today but, we were taught Santa would rather be left alcohol opposed to milk and cookies. After 40 or 50 drinks, do you think he’s going to be thinking about wearing a mask? Hell, I doubt he’ll even be wearing pants at this point.

It’s probably not something I need to be overly concerned about here. He’s kind of skipped over us the past couple of years. He still holds a grudge because I had him busted for breaking and entering a few years back.

Yeah, save your e-mails and nasty comments. I’ve heard them all. Fat bastard breaks into my house in the middle of the night and somehow I’m the bad guy.

The trial was something to behold. The judge saying to me,

“Do you know how much joy this man brings every year?”

Meanwhile, Santa was openly weeping the whole time. I’m not talking a few tears. He was bawling like an injured child…It was a hard thing to watch.

Yeah, yeah, yeah…before the violins start playing, I dropped the charges.

I really didn’t want to. It’s just all the nasty looks and comments I was getting. Not to mention the sickening sight of a fat old man sobbing like a baby. It was more than I could take.

This year, I think the decision is easy. If I can’t attend a gathering, I don’t need this guy infecting my home. Who feels like waking up Christmas morning in fear of touching anything or even breathing in their own house?

The rest of us have to do without our annual traditions this year. Why should this guy be any different?

Hey, don’t let me tell you how to live. Let him come into your home if you aren’t concerned. Just stay away from me afterwards.

I’m not taking any chances. I already have a big sign painted and ready to attach to our roof.


I think he’ll get the message. If not, this year I’m not dropping the charges. Just think how much virus he will be spreading with those tears.

Speak Your Mind