How Will He Get By?

How Will He Get By?

 

It started with a simple thought…”People are lazy.”

Yes we are lazy but, how can you use that to take advantage of us and make money? That’s where Jeff Bezos came up with Amazon. People are so lazy they hate going to the store, anything you need can come right to your door.

Oh, I know, you still have to grab the package off the porch and carry it into the house. Until there’s a better system, this is the best we have.

Mr. Bezos was already wealthy, then Covid came along. Going to the store became not only a chore but, possibly hazardous to our health. Why not just have it delivered?

Although he was already wealthy to begin with, Mr. Bezos made enough money in the past year to have given all of his employees a bonus of as much as $150,000 dollars apiece and still had just as much money as he had before.

Of course he didn’t share the wealth with those people putting their lives on the line during the pandemic. He kept it all to himself. I now realize Jeff that you were just being frugal and not a “Greedy Pig” like some people are saying.

You see Jeff Bezos decided to walk away from his job this week. He’s only 57 years old. He’s got almost ten years until he can collect Social Security. Until then, he has to make do on 196 billion.

As somebody who’s been basically out of work for the past year because of the pandemic, I thought I might be able to give Mr. Bezos some pointers on how to squeeze by on a tight budget.

First of all Jeff, I don’t know what led to this decision. I hope you weren’t enticed by the fact that we may be getting another round of stimulus checks. I know, $14oo sounds like a lot of money but, you can’t just squander it.

I know it’s like found money but, you’re not working right now. Instead of going out and blowing it on something extravagant, why not put the money in the bank? You never know what lies ahead. You’ll be glad you listened to my advice if you have car trouble or a problem with your furnace or air conditioning down the road.

Now, you may think its cost cutting to use the dollar menu at Taco Bell and McDonalds for your meals. Believe me, the health problems that will eventually come along will negate any savings.

You have to learn how to shop wisely. Start with cutting the coupons that come with the Sunday Paper. I know, the Sunday paper now costs as much as five dollars or more. Maybe someone in your neighborhood gets the paper and discards the coupons. You’re out of work, there’s no shame in scavenging through your neighbors trash and recycling bins. It’ll be well worth the effort when you’re saving fifty cents on Hamburger Helper.

Also, join a warehouse club where you can buy in bulk.

Yeah, I know that thirty five bucks to join seems like a lot. You’ll more than make up for it in savings. Also, don’t be upset if you spend 300 bucks on a single shopping spree. Look at the big picture. That ten pound bag of chicken breasts should last a month or two and it’ll be years before you get to the bottom of that five gallon jar of mustard.

Another tip, store brand and off brand can be just as good. In fact, the products at Aldi that kind of look like the brand names are supposedly the same thing at a lower price. If you do shop at Aldi, just make sure to bring your own bags. Theirs cost between two and five cents apiece and that can add up. Also, remember to return your cart and get your quarter back.

If you’re concerned about appearance, just try to hide it. For example, buy a bag of Lays chips one time and then just keep filling the empty bag with Clancy’s. Your guests will never know the difference.

Speaking of entertaining, you can’t be spending a lot of money on things like liquor. Do the same thing as you did with the chips. For example, get an empty bottle of Chivas and fill it with a six dollar bottle of Ten High.

Nobody will question it. Oh, and with no money coming in, don’t be too snooty to drink your wine out of a box.

Well Jeff, I hope this helps. Good luck making it on 196 billion until you reach Social Security. If things get tight, you may have to find a job. I hear Amazon is always hiring and they pay between ten and fifteen bucks an hour.