False Advertising

False Advertising


As the truck was coming down the street, I could feel my heart beating excitedly. I hadn’t felt like this since I was a kid and I could hear the music from the Good Humor truck arriving. Right there on the side of the truck, it told me all I needed to know.

“Weed Man”

Finally, they’re bringing it around in trucks like ice cream. This will make life so much easier. There has been so much talk about the benefits of CBD oil. Not only that but how medical marijuana can cure anything from aches and pain to depression. Imagine what it could do for aggravation. I figured it was time to try it for the first time.

Ok, maybe not the first time. I tried it once but didn’t exhale…because you’re supposed to hold it in your lungs…OK, sorry about that. That was too easy. I can’t be the first to come up with that awful line. I apologize.

Anyway, I approached the Weed Man and said,
“I’ll take an eighth, quarter if you have it.”

He looked at me kind of strange and said,

“This is a lawn service.”

“Then, wouldn’t that make you the Lawn Man?”

I could tell by the funny way he kept staring at me, something was up. He was probably thinking,

“No way, Narc!”

I’m just an average looking guy. I don’t know what I could do to keep me from looking suspicious to a drug dealer. Maybe grow my hair longer…Nah, guys my age with long hair either look exactly like a Narc or a doofus who can’t move beyond his youth.

“Seriously, I’ll take whatever size you have on the truck.”

Now, he was really staring me down. I don’t know who he thought he was fooling. No way is a Lawn Care Company coming up with this as their mascot.

I mean, you have to be seriously high to come up with something like that.

This guy wasn’t budging and I was thinking,

“Maybe, I should grow a beard.”

Then again, beards are very trendy now days. I hate to do anything trendy. I’d hate to be the one who didn’t know the trend was over and then you just look like an asshole with a beard.

This guy wasn’t going to sell me anything. It made me nostalgic for the Ice Cream guy who came around my neighborhood when I was a kid. I was too young to partake, but he was definitely dealing. He would open the wrong freezer door and say,

“Oh man, nothing in that one for you little dude.”

A lot of states have legalized Marijuana, but it’s not a national thing. I have to wait for Pennsylvania to come into the 21st century when they finally just moved into the 18th.

It’s only been a few years we’ve been able to buy liquor on Sundays from the State run liquor stores. This is a state where for years, the logic to prevent alcoholism, was to prevent you from buying one beer but made you buy twenty-four instead.

Why isn’t it legal nationally already? You would think the pharmaceutical companies would want us to be able to replace their expensive narcotics with something we could grow for free on our own.

They’re on our side after all. That’s why they rarely mark up any drugs more than ten thousand percent over what it cost them to manufacture it. Those bastards!

I know, I’m getting aggravated. I might be able to calm down if the Weed Man would at least sell me a joint…Maybe, I’ll get a tattoo.

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