Archives for January 2021

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Window Laughing

Window Laughing

(Shaking Off Some Rust)

 

I recently did the strangest show I’ve ever done in all of my years in comedy. Since that would be over the span of 38 years, you know it’s got to be very strange. Then again, these are strange times.

The last real show I’ve done in front of an audience was March 14, 2020. I’ve done a few minutes hosting shows for my graduating classes. I also did a short set in October at one of my students open mikes. That did not go well.

I was rusty as hell, it was the first time I was doing my act in ten months. I would do a line and forget what came next. What came naturally wasn’t coming. I was on top of my game when everything came to a halt. Here I was like I was starting all over again.

My point is, if you’re not doing it, you get stale. I need to do it a few times to get back into a groove. Hey, The Rolling Stones always rent a rehearsal space for a month or so to practice before they go out on tour. This despite the fact they’ve been doing this for almost sixty years.

Sixty years, seriously? Man, those guys are old.

Anyway, let’s get to the strange show. It was a drive in show but, not at a drive in. It’s January, in Pittsburgh. To do an actual show at a drive in, we’d have to stand outside, In January, in Pittsburgh.

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Yeah, What Could go Wrong?

Yeah, What Could go Wrong?

 

It’s finally going to happen. The big question is, should it? I’m talking about the news that Cadillac is developing a car that can fly. We were supposed to have flying cars by the year 2000. It never happened. Now, we may see them in the next few years.

Have you ever been sitting in traffic and thinking,

“If I could just take off and fly over this.”

I do it all the time. Of course, in my mind, I’m the only one doing it. The thing is, once they become available, anybody can get one. That’s where the problem lies.

Do you really want the idiots that are on the road hovering over your head? Are there going to be lanes in the sky or will it just be flying bumper cars? Are there going to be sky lanes? Even if we have lanes, are people going to follow them?

During Covid, grocery stores have arrows on the floor to keep us all going in the same direction for social distancing. How often has some moron come at you in the wrong direction? Yeah, I know, every time.

Plus, I’m sure Penn Dot is already working on a way to close down parts of the sky during heavy travel times. Do you want to fly past guys in jet packs smoking cigarettes and picking their asses while no work is being done?

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Beyond Aggravated

Beyond Aggravated

 

In all of my years on this planet, and they are many, I’ve watched images of my country in horror on two occasions. September 11 and today. I never imagined I would witness an attempted coup in this country. Certainly not one incited by the sitting president.

We were headed to this point. You could see it coming yet, so many were willing to ignore and go along with the whims of this sociopath. Oh, and he is insane. All of this is a result of a 74 year old man that has never been told no before.

“Daddy, they won’t let me play president anymore. Do something.”

Because of his extreme narcissistic behavior, he’s unable to accept the fact he lost the election. For two months he’s been whining that he really won.

There was a kid named Stevie that used to play whiffle ball with us. He was awful and would strike out every time. After three strikes, he would start pouting, so we would give him one more chance.

Then when he missed he would scream,

“That’s not fair!”

Then he would run home. At least he went home. Trump just kept harping on this while thousands died each day because of his failure as a leader in handling the pandemic.

So, Trump claims the election was rigged and he knows it. They’ve had over sixty chances to present the evidence that he was cheated in court. No evidence was ever presented. Do you know why?

BECAUSE THERE ISN’T ANY!

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