Archives for December 2017

Just to let you know, the next person who says to me,

“Cold enough for you?”

That will be the end of our conversation. Don’t be offended when I walk away. I just feel that you already know the answer to the question and there’s no need for us to be redundant. One guy, who predicted a few months ago that we were due for harsh winter, came up to me and said,

“I told you we were going to have a cold winter.”

“So, you’d rather be right than warm?”

Then I walked away.

Here we are on the final weekend of 2017, when everybody looks back at the year gone by. There will be tributes to celebrities that died this year. Some will surprise you because you thought they had died years ago.

I was going to do a year end list of most aggravating things of 2017. But, the number one most aggravating thing I came up with was people who come up with year-end lists.

So, instead I will tell you about my resolutions for the New Year. I’ve decided it shouldn’t be anything too difficult, so I can stick to it. Unlike those people that tell themselves this is the year they are going to lose weight and get in shape. [Read more…]

“Thud!”

The sound woke me from a sound sleep. There was rustling going on downstairs. At first, I thought it was one of the family. But when I checked, everyone was still fast asleep.

Quietly, I descended the stairs. I could see the lights from the Christmas tree flickering, even though I was sure we had shut it off before we went to bed.

When I poked my head around the corner, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. He was just sitting there eating a cookie, making himself right at home. He had crumbs falling into his beard and all over the floor.

My mother has the worst case of OCD on the planet and vacuums three times a day. As soon as the lines from the vacuum dissolve, she has to put them back. These crumbs were going to drive her insane.

He noticed me staring at him and a big smile came over his face.

“Come sit on my lap, little boy.” [Read more…]

Tonight’s the night we will be putting up the Christmas tree. I know, we’re late to the party. Most of you had the house decorated for Christmas the day after the fourth of July. It’s just that we were busy and I was out of town and…why do I have to justify myself to you. If you want to judge me, go right ahead.

My wife had originally said that we should cut back this year, but then changed her mind. Once again the house will look like Santa’s workshop. Most people enjoy decorating for the holidays. I’m not one of those people. When I’m putting things up, I can’t help but think,

“All of this crap is going to have to come back down and get packed away again in a few weeks.”

Just my way of dampening the holiday cheer.

We’re decorating the house and that’s it. We stop there. We’re not going to start trimming our cars. Have you seen this? People driving around with antlers and a red nose on their automobile. Aren’t you just asking for a DUI at that point?

“Do you know why I pulled you over?”

“I have no idea officer.”

“You have antlers on your car! How much have you been drinking?” [Read more…]