Easy Resolutions

Just to let you know, the next person who says to me,

“Cold enough for you?”

That will be the end of our conversation. Don’t be offended when I walk away. I just feel that you already know the answer to the question and there’s no need for us to be redundant. One guy, who predicted a few months ago that we were due for harsh winter, came up to me and said,

“I told you we were going to have a cold winter.”

“So, you’d rather be right than warm?”

Then I walked away.

Here we are on the final weekend of 2017, when everybody looks back at the year gone by. There will be tributes to celebrities that died this year. Some will surprise you because you thought they had died years ago.

I was going to do a year end list of most aggravating things of 2017. But, the number one most aggravating thing I came up with was people who come up with year-end lists.

So, instead I will tell you about my resolutions for the New Year. I’ve decided it shouldn’t be anything too difficult, so I can stick to it. Unlike those people that tell themselves this is the year they are going to lose weight and get in shape.

These people always show up at the gym I go to, right after the first of the year. They try to introduce themselves and I just throw up my hands and say,

“If you’re still here around Valentine’s Day, we will make acquaintances.”

Now, if you’re saying that I’m not being very encouraging, I have to ask,

“Is this your first time reading this post?”

Besides, I don’t need to make friends with a person that will come to the gym three times and decide to get in shape next year instead.

I’ve come up with two easy resolutions that I’m positive I will be able to keep.

My first resolution is to “Not Stop Smoking Cigars.”

The beginning of this year I tried to actually quit. Then on New Year’s Day, I went to my local cigar lounge, “The Smoke Stack” to watch the bowl games. Everyone there was smoking cigars. It was like they were all just trying to tempt me. On that day, I was too weak and gave in. I would start the next day.

Then, the next day I was on my way home from somewhere, and stopped in “The Smoke Stack” to let them know I was on my way home. It was the same thing all over again. Then the next evening when I went to “The Smoke Stack” to watch the hockey game…it was like a vicious cycle. I mean, how are you supposed to kick a habit when people try to lure you back?

“Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in.”

I’m not going through that again.

My second and final resolution is “I’m not moving to Erie, Pennsylvania.”

This past week, Erie received 65 inches of snow in 2 days with another foot coming this weekend. That’s 77 inches total, give or take an inch. How do you live like that? When you’re watching the news and they issue the warning,

“We recommend people under the height of six feet five, stay in your homes.”

I won’t be moving to a place where the snow is taller than me. Ok, if somebody offers me half million a year, I might consider it. Just make sure there’s a cigar lounge in town. I’m not breaking two resolutions.

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