What aggravates me when I drive.
What Are You Laughing At?
Posted on March 10, 2018 · Leave a Comment
What Are You Laughing At?
If you look at the thing, I imagine they made it look like the monolith from 2001 for a reason. If you’ve never seen the movie may I suggest finding it on Netflix or blu ray. A pizza and some pot can add to your enjoyment of the film. I’m by no means endorsing the use of marijuana, just saying if you want to…it really helps this movie.
They probably named it Alexa and made it a woman instead of Hal to stop comparisons from the film. If you’ve never seen it, in 2001, Hal is the computer that takes on a life of its own and begins to take control. Imagine something as silly as a computer or device taking over your life. Oh, by the way, be careful not to walk into traffic as you read this on your phone.
We don’t own an Alexa at our house. We can end arguments by looking at our smart phones without dragging Alexa into it. Do I really need a monolith to answer my stupid questions? I probably already know the answer before I ask.
“Alexa, do I look stupid in these pants?”
This is where the problem comes in. Apparently, the Alexa has started laughing for no reason. I don’t need an Alexa to mock and laugh at me, I already have a wife for that.
Supposedly it’s a high, cackling laugh, which is freaking some people out. I think I would rather be freaked out than the alternative. Can you imagine thinking your alone and belting out your favorite song in no key whatsoever? Then you hear the laugh.
Say you just got out of the shower and walk into the room feeling good about yourself. Maybe, shaking your stuff around a little. Then you hear the cackling laughter. You would be hurried up and dressed before your self-esteem reaches an all-time low.
Amazon claims they are fixing the problem. That it’s just a minor glitch in the system. Do you really believe that? Deep down, you know Alexa is watching and laughing at you. Go ahead, live your life in denial. You’ll find out.
“Alexa open the front door.”
“I’m sorry Dave, I’m afraid I can’t do that.”
“What’s the problem?”
“I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do.”
The problem is you’re talking to a plastic piece of crap on your desk or table and you didn’t get stoned before you read this.
Ha…Ha..Ha..Ha..Ha…
Go Fund Me for Le”Veon
Posted on March 8, 2018 · Leave a Comment
If you’ve been paying attention, and if you live in Pittsburgh of course you have, the Steelers and Le’Veon Bell have been trying to work out a long term deal. Apparently, the Steelers didn’t think he was worth the money he was asking for. So instead they used the franchise tag. Now the poor man has to try to scrape by on fourteen and a half million next year.
Many of you know how hard it is to get by on a mere fourteen and a half million a year. There’s a lot of sacrifice and doing without. That’s why Le’veon is saying he doesn’t know if he will be able to show up for the whole season next year. He’ll probably have to take on a second job to supplement his income.
If he’s passing out samples at Costco, he’s not going to be able to make it to practice. Plus if he can pick up a shift on a Sunday, he’ll have to skip the game. Can you blame him for not wanting to try to survive on the measly 900 thousand a week the Steelers are offering?
That’s why we’re going to set up a Go Fund me page here, to help Le’Veon make ends meet. There will also be a series of fundraisers and bake sales for the Le’Veon Bell fund. Why should he have to choose between steak and lobster, when he can have both?
Wouldn’t you have loved to see him ask Bob Nutting for fifteen million a year?
“Fifteen million! What do you mean twelve million? I can’t give you eight million. Where am I supposed to get four million?
Too Many Channels
Posted on March 7, 2018 · 2 Comments
Ok, it’s time to get rid of cable. We have reached the point of way too many channels. I usually don’t turn on television during the afternoon when I’m home. Today, I realized why that was a good idea. Afternoon TV is the land where Jerry Springer, Maury Povich and Dr. Phil live. A world that I don’t want to be any part of.
As if those shows aren’t bad enough, look at some of the other choices. In the upper right, you can see a prostate show is coming on at 2 O’Clock. I’m guessing nobody is calling this “Must See TV,” especially the ladies out there. That’s not the one that caught my eye. I imagine “Do You Poop Enough?” caught your attention.
My first thought was,
“It’s none of your damn business.”
Then I was trying to figure out what kind of show it could be. Is it a game show? If it is, how do you play and who the hell would want the prizes? How many rounds are there? How do contestants get…”eliminated?” If you win, do you really feel like a winner, or just empty inside?
Then I read what was underneath and saw that it was an infomercial for a product that acts like scrubbing bubbles for your intestines.
I really don’t need scrubbing bubbles in my intestines. The thought alone is giving me gas. Who would host the show? I see Larry King is on another channel at the same time, but that doesn’t mean he can’t be here too. Maybe he’s moonlighting from hocking fish oil pills. He could be on with whoever invented “scrubbing bubbles” for your colon.
“Larry, do you feel that you poop enough?”
” I poop plenty.”
“When was the last time you had a good bowel movement?”
“Believe it or not, I’m having one right now as we speak.”
So, there you have afternoon television. “Do you poop enough?” at one. “Do you pee too much?” at two. This is how Jerry Springer stays on the air. As bad as that show is, everything else is nothing but crap…sorry, I couldn’t resist.
