Not Terrible?

Not Terrible?

 

During the evening newscast the other night, I heard the local weatherman give a forecast that I don’t remember ever hearing before. He said that tomorrow,

“Won’t be terrible.”

It was only going to be 41 degrees but, it was the first time we would break the freezing mark in a few weeks. It was also the first time it wasn’t going to snow in eighteen days. So,

“Not terrible.”

This is where we are right now. A year into the pandemic, below average temperatures, heavy snow, ice storms, locusts, seas boiling red with blood…If it’s not awful, we’ll take it.

We’ve come a long way in the past year if we’re ready to settle for news that’s not devastating.

If you went into a restaurant and asked,

“How’s the prime rib?”

“Way overcooked, very dry. If you drink enough fluids with it, you can probably choke it down. Let’s just say, if you haven’t eaten for a week, it’s not too bad.”

Would you shell out twenty-eight bucks for that? Hell no.

If you were having sex with somebody for the first time and asked,

“So, was that good for you?”

“Well, I was with one guy who was so drunk that couldn’t do anything. Then he threw up on me and passed out. So, you were better than him.”

I don’t think you would consider that high praise.

If a solicitor from the Pittsburgh Pirates was trying to sell you a ticket package and said,

“With some lucky breaks, bad bounces, injuries to most of the players on the other team, the Pirates have a chance to not be horrible this year.”

Wait…that is how the Pirates try to sell their tickets, bad example.

I have to tell you, I’m not good at acceptance or rationalization. I’m not a glass is half full kind of guy. To me, what’s in the glass is almost gone.

Last week it snowed almost every day. One day was five inches, then two, one and a half…it was constant and annoying. On top of that, the temperatures were so cold that nothing was melting and there was ice everywhere.

Meanwhile in Texas, they had ice storms and power outages. You know what, I don’t live in Texas so it doesn’t affect my life. Oh I know, at least I had power. Unlike those unlucky people who live there. Yeah well, guess what, the people in Texas are always unlucky. They live in Texas for God’s sake. Texas sucks!

See, I just can’t be one of those people who look on the bright side and make the most of what they have.

I don’t remember the last time there was a bright side. It’s just been,

“More cases.”

“Cold weather and snow.”

“Wear your mask.”

“Stay away from your family during the holidays.”

Ok, that part was good. Aside from that, it’s been a long year.

I have heard some encouraging news lately that we may be near reaching the end. Until it happens, I’m not getting excited. I can’t get my hopes up even though this time the word is coming from actual scientists and not some fat buffoon in orange clown makeup saying,

“It’ll magically disappear.”

“It’ll be gone once the weather gets warmer.”

They are saying maybe by summer. Until then we can settle for not terrible.

“AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!