Laughs In Space

Laughs In Space


If you’ve ever dreamed on vacationing in Space…and who has…your dreams are about to come true. The news this week is that by the year 2027 there will be a space hotel that will actually be more like taking a space cruise.

Yeah, it should be a lot of fun to be there when some space virus breaks out and people start turning into mutants. Although if you’ve ever been on a cruise ship, it’ll be hard to tell the difference.

Cruising in space is not going to be cheap. I read where the trip could cost as much as 25 million. Even if I had an extra 25 million laying around, I wouldn’t blow it on a cruise.

When you book something like that, there’s no guarantees. It doesn’t happen often but, I’ve been on cruises where the weather sucks the whole week. It’s like the rain cloud followed us from one island to the next.

It’s one thing to shell out a couple grand for a cruise and get crappy weather. Do you want to take that chance with 25 million?

“How was your trip to space?”

“Terrible, it was dark the whole time.”

Just because I don’t have the twenty five million doesn’t mean I won’t be going. They’re going to need entertainment. Which means, we’ll be comedians in space.

I’m already going over in my head some of the things we will have to deal with. As a traveling comedian, you set your expectations low and if the accommodations are above adequate, it’s a pleasant surprise.

There will only be so much food in space so, they won’t want to waste it on comedians. You get used to it. Working places with nice restaurants they would usually give us a meal in between shows.

You would sit down and the waitress or waiter would hand you a menu. Then before you got a chance to even glance at it, they would tear it from your hands.

“Oh, you’re the comedian.”

Then you would get handed a piece of paper with the comics menu. It was always the same three things. Cheeseburger, Chicken Tenders or Caesar Salad with chicken. Even if they weren’t on the regular menu, they did it special for us…God bless them.

Of course it could be worse than that in space. We might have to eat in the employee cafeteria where they just have old space food.

“Do you want a tube of chicken or a tube of beef?”

“It’s the same thing every day. Don’t you ever have anything different?”

“Once a month we have tube of taco Tuesday.”

“When is that?”

“You missed it.”

Also, crunching the numbers, there’s only going to be 400 rooms in this space hotel. If they can get 25 million, there not going to waste that room on one of us.

There will probably be some windowless inner sanctum where the gravity doesn’t really work. That’s where the employees and entertainers will stay. Yeah, try getting some sleep while you’re hovering above the bed like the exorcist.

Again, it could be worse than that. They could salvage some old satellite or space station and duct tape it back together. Guests would be going to the desk to report seeing it.

“I think we’re about to get hit by a piece of space junk.”

“Oh, that’s just where the comedians stay.”

Every night they’ll send some teenage kid that works in the kitchen to pick us up in his banged up rocket. It’ll be littered with discarded fast food bags and empty cans of energy drink. We’ll have to pray that we don’t break down along the way and get lost in space with this idiot for eternity.

“If you call me dude one more time, you’re going to be taking a spacewalk without a chord!”

Whatever the drawbacks may be, it’ll be worth it for the chance to go into space. Of course with my luck I’ll probably get booked on a week when everyone is from other planets. The shows will be empty because nobody speaks “Earthling.”


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