Hello, I Must be Going

Yeah, I know, you’re disappointed. There was an announcement that there would be a surprise today and it’s just me. You were expecting games, prizes and cash giveaways and it’s the same old crap.
Actually there is something different about today. This will be my final post here at YaJagoff. At the same time this will also serve as my first post at my new site, whataggravatesme.net. If you’ve been paying attention…and if you haven’t, where were you? Anyway, over the past few months I’ve been doing more with the “What Aggravates Me” brand. Besides these posts, I’ve been putting out videos and I have some other things I’m working on.
It was at John Chamberlin’s suggestion that I start my own site…Wait a second, I just realized the son of a bitch fired me! I’m just kidding. He was really extremely helpful in getting this project going. He hooked me up with his web designer and did all of the early footwork. I appreciate the help and we will continue to promote each other. Now, between the two of us, we can control the entire blogosphere.
The best part, is without his monk like dictatorship, I can finally use the cheap gratuitous nudity like I’ve always wanted. Ok, maybe not…but, maybe…it won’t be me naked, so don’t be afraid to look at the site.
In reality, John Chamberlin let me do whatever I wanted with this post. I realize that not everybody will agree with my views and opinions, even though it would make my life so much easier if you did!
There were a few times that John received complaints about my opinion on a certain matter and he was quick to point out it was my post and he let me do whatever I wanted…Yeah, way to throw me under the bus there Chamberlin.
Well, I hope you’ve enjoyed these posts at YaJagoff. Not only that, I hope you will continue to enjoy them at whataggravatesme.net. So, check it out. Besides these posts and the videos, there are some other things that I want to do that I will be talking about in the next few days.
I just realized, since I’m posting this column on both sites, you may already be at whataggravatesme.net. In that case, I don’t have to tell you to check it out…Oh, and thanks for checking it out.
Finally, the title I chose, “Hello I Must Be Going” comes from a song that Groucho Marx sings in one of my favorite old movies, “Animal Crackers.” If you’ve never seen the Marx Brothers, you should check them out. Yes, it’s in black and white. That’s because it was released in 1930…No, I didn’t see it at the theatre when it first came out. What’s wrong with you people?

www.whataggravatesme.net

It was the worst of times, it was the worst of times. Hope you didn’t buy your chicken wings and chips in advance. You know, the one’s you would need for this weekend’s big rematch with hated New England. You know, the game that a lot of the Steeler’s, including the coach, were guaranteeing they would win. Unfortunately, it seems that they forgot they had to play a game before that one.

Knowing what you know now, would you really have wanted that defense to face Tom Brady? You know, the one that mad Blake Bortles look like Tim Tebow…Do you see what I did there? Yeah, worked in another bad memory to go with this fresh one. Hey, look at the bright side. It won’t take as long to get a pizza delivered on Sunday. Not to mention the beer distributors will be less crowded this weekend.

Now, you would think the Steelers losing a game nobody expected them to lose would be all the bad news the town could handle. But, then you would be wrong. It turns out the Pirates…I shouldn’t be writing about the Pirates in January…anyway, the Pirates, led by tight-fisted owner, Bob “Ka-Ching” Nutting decided to bookend the Steelers loss by trading two of their best players.

A few days before the Steelers loss, the Pirates traded their best pitcher, Garrett Cole. The day after the Steelers debacle, The Pirates traded their best player, Andrew McCutchen. Of course they did that because both of these players were about to be paid more. Bob “Ka-Ching” Nutting doesn’t play that game. That’s money he could be shoving into his pockets. [Read more…]

As I write this, the storm hasn’t hit yet, so I don’t know what you woke up to on Saturday. In fact, while I’m writing this, you’re probably at the supermarket stocking up on bread, milk and toilet paper. I don’t know why people feel that those three are the most important staples of survival. I also don’t know why any time they predict a few inches of snow, people act like they will be stuck inside until April.

I stocked up on my own necessities at the liquor store and beer distributor. After that I didn’t feel like fighting the crowds to get a month’s supply of toilet paper. Also, I don’t see any reason I won’t be able to get out of the house this weekend. Of course I should be able to put beer, liquor and toilet paper in the same cart, but we’re not here to discuss Pennsylvania’s archaic laws.

What’s really bothering me is how some of the local weather people handle announcing a storm like this. Freezing rain, ice and accumulating snow is nothing to smile about. It’s not all of them and I’m not going to point fingers at the most irritating. I just don’t appreciate a jovial announcement of bad news.

You wouldn’t want your doctor walking in the room, laughing so hard that he’s wiping tears from his face as he says,

“Turns out that’s not a mole.”

Or

“Ha, ha, ha…you only have three months to live.” [Read more…]

Just to let you know, the next person who says to me,

“Cold enough for you?”

That will be the end of our conversation. Don’t be offended when I walk away. I just feel that you already know the answer to the question and there’s no need for us to be redundant. One guy, who predicted a few months ago that we were due for harsh winter, came up to me and said,

“I told you we were going to have a cold winter.”

“So, you’d rather be right than warm?”

Then I walked away.

Here we are on the final weekend of 2017, when everybody looks back at the year gone by. There will be tributes to celebrities that died this year. Some will surprise you because you thought they had died years ago.

I was going to do a year end list of most aggravating things of 2017. But, the number one most aggravating thing I came up with was people who come up with year-end lists.

So, instead I will tell you about my resolutions for the New Year. I’ve decided it shouldn’t be anything too difficult, so I can stick to it. Unlike those people that tell themselves this is the year they are going to lose weight and get in shape. [Read more…]

“Thud!”

The sound woke me from a sound sleep. There was rustling going on downstairs. At first, I thought it was one of the family. But when I checked, everyone was still fast asleep.

Quietly, I descended the stairs. I could see the lights from the Christmas tree flickering, even though I was sure we had shut it off before we went to bed.

When I poked my head around the corner, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. He was just sitting there eating a cookie, making himself right at home. He had crumbs falling into his beard and all over the floor.

My mother has the worst case of OCD on the planet and vacuums three times a day. As soon as the lines from the vacuum dissolve, she has to put them back. These crumbs were going to drive her insane.

He noticed me staring at him and a big smile came over his face.

“Come sit on my lap, little boy.” [Read more…]