Young and Stupid

Young and Stupid


Well, I’m another year older today. Yeah, yeah…happy blah…blah and all that crap. You may notice from my tone that I’m not a big fan of birthdays. I guess there were certain ones, years ago. Like thirteen when I became a teenager. Sixteen, I was old enough to drive. Eighteen, I could vote for the first time. Wow, at the time I could have never imagined the choices would get harder and more insane with each voting cycle.

Twenty-one was a big deal because it was legal to have a drink. Not that I hadn’t had a beer or two before then. It was just that now I could use my actual ID.

That’s it! Twenty-one is the peak. There’s no age after that of any significance. It’s all downhill after that.

I have to admit, like many of you, I was young and stupid. In my youth, I was always wanting to be older so I could drive, vote, drink legally, shave…you never realize what a pain in the ass that will become. That’s probably why half the men in the country now look like the cast of “Duck Dynasty.”

One of the wisest things my mother ever said was that we wish away most of our lives. Think about it. You go to work on Monday and wish it was Friday. When it’s cold and snowing in January, we wish it was summer. When you’re in school, you wish you were old enough to graduate.

When my mother said that to me, she only said it once. Unlike our conversations now, when she tells me how cold her house is seven times during a five minute conversation.

“It’s cold in my house.”

“Turn up the thermostat.”

“It’s cold in my house.”

When you’re a kid, you never think about getting old. It seems so far off. Then the years start flying by. I try not to think of myself as getting old. Of course that doesn’t stop other people from reminding you.

This summer, I’ve been teaching a comedy class. The teaching part is not what makes me feel old. It’s the responses I received from interested students.

“Mr. Knight, I am interested in taking your class sir.”

Sir! Seriously sir! Why not just hand me a shovel and help me start digging my grave?

I guess you’re supposed to be thankful for what you have. I still have a full head of hair and most of it is still its natural color. All of my parts still work…That’s right, I said it…all of my parts still work. They don’t work as well or as often as they used to, but they’re there when I need them.

Then again, a few weeks ago I threw out my back getting socks out of the drawer.

So what do we have to look forward to as we grow older? You know, besides getting to wear diapers again. What’s the saying?

“With age comes wisdom.”

Wisdom?…That’s all we get out of this…wisdom? What a rip-off. I like to think I had wisdom when I was younger. I mean I never sucked a condom up my nose, ate laundry detergent or drank boiling water. Not like these kids today.

Oh!…Did I really just say that? These kids today! I swore I would never say that. That makes it official, I’m a crotchety old guy. I should know, I have wisdom after all…What a rip-off.

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