This Isn’t Right!


This Isn’t Right!


Not to be racist, but let’s face it. The Japanese are not large people. In fact, the photo shows me wearing an XL sweatshirt I bought in Japan last year. It’s the biggest size I could find. The Japanese also produce some of the most reliable cars on the planet. It’s just that sometimes I think they build their automobiles for people of that size.

Here’s how this started. I was out of town last weekend and my wife called me. I could tell by the way she was speaking, that something was up. What had happened is, she had been pulled over by the Police. It was the first time in her life…If I get pulled over today, it will be the first time this month. Let me remind you, it’s only October 3.

Anyway, she kept going on about how she knew she hadn’t done anything wrong…Get to the point already! Did you get a ticket or not?

It turns out that he pulled her over to inform her that both brake lights were out. Then she asked me,

“Didn’t you notice that?”

‘Since I hadn’t been stalking you recently, I hadn’t been paying attention to the back of your car!”

So now, we have something that needs to be fixed. I figured I would start with the easiest solution and work my way up. I would check to make sure it wasn’t a blown fuse.

Now, I’m not good at repairing things. My first inclination is always to bang on it and see if that doesn’t work.

One thing I am however capable of is changing fuses in cars. I had an old Toyota Celica that I bought a new stereo for. Instead of paying to have it installed where I bought it, I had my friend Wayne, assisted by my brother Ronnie, put it in for a case of beer.

I saved about a hundred bucks on that deal. Ok, so there were a few complications. I had a show that night and noticed my air conditioning wasn’t working on the way to the club. When I got in the car to come home, I had no dash board lights.

Somebody cut me off and I realized I had no horn. Then about half way home, I lost my headlights. Oh, no music either. Miraculously, I made it home in the dark. The next day I went to the local auto parts store and bought 100 fuses of all amp sizes. I was changing them every ten minutes until I had a professional fix the problem. So, there went the hundred bucks I saved.

What I’m saying is, I can handle changing a fuse. All I had to do was locate the fuse box on my wife’s Suzuki SX4. I looked in the owner’s manual and it said it was under the dash. I looked everywhere under there and couldn’t locate it.

Then I did an online search. I came across twenty other people asking where the hell the fuse box was on one of these things. Finally, I found one that started talking about having to be a contortionist. I’m not a contortionist. I can’t even get my body to bend in normal positions. But, I was determined.

Somehow, I manage to go in backwards and twist my body around…(See above photo). The human body is not meant to be in that position. Not mine, anyway.

Twenty painful minutes later, I found out the fuses weren’t the problem. So now I haven’t fixed anything and my back will never be the same. Maybe, I’ll just try banging on the damn thing.

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