Garage or Garbage?

Garage or Garbage?

 

It’s a big day in the neighborhood here. I guess I could have said it’s a wonderful day in the neighborhood in tribute to Mr. Rogers. But, it’s really not that wonderful. In fact, it’s kind of lame. This is the day of the annual neighborhood “Yard Sale,” when we haul out the junk that we don’t want anymore and try to sell it to each other.

Who was the first person to come up with the concept of a yard or garage sale? One day, as they were taking their trash out to the curb, they stopped and said,

“If I scatter this crap around the yard, I might be able to sell it to the neighbors.”

Seriously, I just can’t bring myself to do it. How can I sell people things I no longer have use for?

“Why are you selling this shirt?”

“It’s ugly and itchy…that’ll be three bucks.”

You always hear about the people that buy some rare treasure at a garage sale from an idiot that didn’t know what they are selling. It’s a one in a million shot but, I guess I could play up that angle.

“How did our Ming Dynasty candle holder end up here? Oh well, I guess this is our bad. That was going to be my retirement some day you know. Now it’s yours. That’ll be a buck-fifty.”

Then, you have to deal with the bargain hunters. The one’s that want to beat you down so they think they’re getting a deal. So, now I have to mark things up so people think they’re getting the best of me.

“I really hate to let this old teddy bear go for a dollar. The one eye hasn’t fallen out yet. But, if you don’t think it’s worth three bucks, hey you’re the customer.”

I don’t even know what crap I could try to pawn off on these people. We have a box of old VHS tapes that my wife won’t let me throw away. I don’t know if she thinks technology is going to go backwards or if they’ll be a collector’s item someday. All I know is we moved the box from storage at our last residence to here and put them in the garage where they just gather dust.

There’s also a box of old cassettes in there. Maybe I could just throw both boxes out in the yard to watch parents explain what they are to their bewildered children. Who knows, maybe someone out there still owns a VCR. If I see a guy getting out of the car sporting a mullet, he could be the one.

“How much do you want for these?”

“There’s 30 there. Classic movies, Christmas specials, whole seasons of old television series. Give me three dollars.”

“Do you know if they all play?”

“Geez, I wanted to test them but I had trouble shoving them into my Blu-ray. Bring back any that don’t work and I’ll give you a dime apiece”

I also own a brand new single sock. This is true. I don’t know why I haven’t’ thrown it away. I guess because it’s never been worn.

What happened was I took some new socks on a trip with me and never got around to wearing this particular pair. When I got home, one of them was missing. It either fell out of my suitcase or I left it in a drawer during early morning frenzy packing. So now I just have the one.

Maybe somebody has a pair to match it and could take this one and put it into a rotation. That way every third wearing, one of the socks will get a day off. Then you would get one-third more wear out of your socks. Or would it be thirty percent more sock usage? I don’t know, it’ll make your socks last longer.

One sock would also appeal to an amputee. They only need the one after all. It wouldn’t give you twice the wear as a whole pair, but for fifty-cents who cares?

I just had a thought. If a mullet headed amputee that likes ugly itchy shirts comes by, I’ll be taking the wife out to dinner tonight.